Life in General and Other Things

NOTICE

2010-09-13T19:04:00.000-04:00

Effective September 1, 2010, “I, Sylvia A. Feeley, will not be responsible for debts incurred by anyone or contracted by anyone other than myself".

Good Rainy Morning To All

2010-05-11T05:34:00.000-04:00

It's raining here today and according to our wonderful weather person, it is the order of the day. Sunday was not a good day for me, had to go to Walmart late in the afternoon and as I was leaving, a young woman backed out of her parking space at a high rate of speed and right into the front of my car. She was driving a Ford Bronco and trashed the headlight, grill, lots of stuff inside the engine compartment on the drivers side of my car, a 1997 Lincoln Mark VIII. The estimate so far is at 3,400.00 for repairs if they can find all the parts needed. Her vehicle had a few scratches on the back bumper. She admitted fault in that she wasn't looking as she backed out. I have never seen anyone exit a parking space that fast and the collision shook my whole car and the damage is unbelievable. I got a severe case of whip lash over my entire body, lol, according to the ER doctor I saw on Sunday night. I am still really sore this morning and my right hip and elbow are not feeling any better. The accident was in Michigan which is a no fault state and that means our insurance company has to foot the bill for the repairs, medical, car rental, etc., It will not be a chargeable accident for me since she admitted fault to the deputy that made the report and thank you very much means that our deductible is waived. I have to take the car into today for them to complete the estimate. They will tear it down to be sure there is no hidden damage and to be sure they have all the parts needed to make the repair. It will take about 2 weeks by the time the process is complete. I get a rental car, YEAH!! Our insurance covers 16.00 per day for rental and Enterprise Car Rental has an economy car for 16.55 plus tax per day so that will only cost me about 20.00 and that is a good thing. If I can figure out a way to get the picture on my cell phone to my computer, lol, I will post it. Well enough of that, I have to start the process of getting ready to head out and get the car to the dealership.

Friday, April 30, 2010

2010-04-30T05:28:00.001-04:00

Good morning to all. Another day, thank you God. Rain and wind for the next several days. Of course I have to be out on Saturday during this weather. Makes you wonder why it is always sunny when you have no place to go. lol

I have been sad the last couple of weeks since getting news from my friend that he is dying. There has been a range of emotions to numerous to list. I pray every night for a miracle and won't give up. This is the first time in my life that someone that I love dearly knows in advance they are dying. The other deaths I have experienced were sudden so there was not time to think about those people no longer being here on earth. I am not sure which is better. I don't mean to sound morose but death is a fact of life, one that is not easy to talk about. I write poetry and the day that I got the email from my friend, I wrote this poem. It sums up the feelings that I experienced.

Noooooo!!!

Unbearable palpable pain,
heart ripped from its mooring
in the safe harbor of your love.
Silent screams escape trembling lips,
tears erupt, cascade down my cheeks.
No breath will come,
only gasps between sobs,
hands pull hair,
moans of anguish won't quit.

It's not fair, you cannot leave,
you cannot die.
Never lied to me,
it must be true,
how could you!
We're supposed to be together forever,
now you are going away,
leaving me here alone.

Resignation, acceptance arrives,
takes its place in my soul.
Knowledge that we loved in another life
gives comfort, we will love again,
another time, wait for me, my darling.

Copyright © 2010 Sylvia All Rights Reserved

Thursday In Indiana

2010-04-29T05:41:00.000-04:00

Good morning to all. I made it another day, thanks to God and that is a good thing. Weather today is forecast to be in the 70's and windy with rain for the next several days. Of course that changes quickly. I found my niece on Facebook and we reconnected after several years. She is a grandmother now. That is so hard to believe. (smiles). Rachelle and her husband David are taking the entire family to Florida for vacation this week. Makes me wish I was on that trip with them. Speaking of Facebook, I still have not really conquered this site. lol For some reason I have a mental block in learning how things on there work. But never fear, if I keep poking around the site, I may overcome it. I will not give up until I do. lol That's about all that I have to say today, kind of boring I know but that is what is going on with me now. See you tomorrow with more boring things.

It's Wednesday, April 25th, 2010

2010-04-28T05:14:00.000-04:00

Thanks to God, I have another day. I also have allergies back in full force. There was something on the news recently that this year was the worst for allergies and I have to agree with that. Mine have been really active so far and I am ready for them to be gone. We have some kind of trees around here that leave a fine yellow mist on everything in sight and they must be partially responsible for some peoples, including mine, allergies. This is just another reason I can add for moving back to Arizona or someplace where there aren't so many things to irritate allergies. Enough of that for now.

I have found that as I grow older sleep comes at a premium. Sleeping an entire eight hours without waking up two or three times is out of the question and sleeping in for me mean not getting up until 5AM. lol Makes for a long boring day. No, I don't take naps during the day, don't watch TV in bed. I do all the things suggested to ensure sleep but for some reason they're not working. Now that I have bored you to tears, it is time for me to get a cup of coffee, half caf, none of the real thing for me. lol See you tomorrow.

Good Tuesday Morning

2010-04-27T05:24:00.000-04:00

Glad to say that I made it another day and that God saw fit to let me wake up once more. Not being morose, just thankful. Another day to sit back and watch the ever changing weather here in Indiana. There is a saying around here that if you don't like the weather, wait a minute for it will surely change. Our temperatures have been bouncing up and down like a ping pong ball for the last few weeks and this year the allergies are terrible. I managed once again to have a cold and a sinus infection, in fact it happened twice since January. The last bout lasted about 5 weeks and nothing would help, it just had to run its course. During this time, I figured out that I should buy some stock in Puffs because between my husband and I, we used 7 boxes of them in a two week period. Yes, I managed to pass the cold to him. Okay, enough of that for now.

I have decided that I will try to post a little something every day, no matter how boring it might be. lol It can be my dairy of sorts so sorry to say, you're stuck with me once again. Until tomorrow, have a good day (I really do mean that.)

It's Been A Long Time

2010-04-23T12:22:00.000-04:00

Hello to the world. I didn't realize that it had been over a year since I posted anything. Not much going on in my life right now other than it is filled with sadness. A dear friend, a man I love is dying and there is nothing I can do to stop that other than pray for a miracle. Believe me, I have been praying and prays from others can't hurt so remember Sylvia's friend.

Gingerbread House

2008-12-27T06:31:00.001-05:00

This gingerbread house was created by my son, Bil Wood.

Our Christmas Traditions - Crackers and the Pickle

2008-12-14T11:15:00.002-05:00

Christmas Crackers

After some research, I found the story of Christmas Crackers. They were invented by an English baker called Tom Smith. The Cracker is a tube that when the ends are pulled to open it, there is a popping noise or “crack”. The Cracker first included wrapped sweets or “bon bon”. The sweet was dropped and a small novelty gift was included. Soon jokes and/or witty sayings were included in the Cracker. Tom’s son started including a paper hat. The first Christmas crackers went on sale in London in 1847. The Cracker can be used for occasions other than Christmas and more expensive gifts can be included in them.

Our tradition for Christmas is putting Christmas Crackers in the tree and on Christmas morning each person takes a Cracker and opens it. You enjoy the gift, put on the silly hat, and read the jokes. We also share them with visitors during the holidays.

Here are some of the jokes that were included in our Christmas Crackers:

What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Do you think he saw us!

What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A jelly baby!

Why is an elephant large grey and wrinkly?
Because if it were small, white and smooth it would be an aspirin!

How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go!

What is the most popular gardening magazine in the world?
Weeders Digest!

Customer: “This steak is terrible I want the manager”.
Waiter: “Sorry sir, he isn't on the menu”

What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What does Santa Claus use to weed his garden?
His hoe hoe hoe!

How do you stop a rhino from charging?
Take away his credit cards!

Christmas Pickle
After research on the Christmas Pickle, it seems that no one really knows where this tradition originated. The tradition we use is the last person up on Christmas eve hangs an ornament shaped like a pickle on the Christmas Tree. On Christmas morning, excluding the person who “hid” the pickle, the other people search the tree for the pickle and the person who finds it gets a surprise gift.

Image Courtesy of http://www.freeimages.co.uk/

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved

I Am Getting Old - Part Twenty-Seven

2008-11-26T09:46:00.003-05:00

I am getting older because....I can't believe that another year has passed by. It is Thanksgiving eve, November 26. I am no longer in Arizona with the nice warm weather. As the song goes, I am back in Indiana. The weather, well it is the weather. Snow on the ground, cool and crisp today. There is more snow forecast for the remainder of this week and most of next week. I will close for now and say to everyone HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Help!

2008-08-14T18:10:00.004-04:00

If anyone has any ideas as to the type of lamp, the manufacturer, cost or any other information regarding the lamp in this photograph, please leave a comment for me. Thank You.
(There are 3 "flicker" candle bulbs in the base of the lamp.)

Under the Weather

2008-07-18T19:24:00.002-04:00

I have been a little under the weather and recently had to have a stress test. The good news is that I do indeed have a heart and at this time, it is working as God intended and has no blockages. I had been down in the dumps until I got the results and was feeling sorry for myself. After reading the July 18, 2008 post on Down River Drivel (on my list of favorites) I will never feel sorry for myself again. Anyone reading this should visit that site and read the post. Jeni is the author of that site and deserves some kind of award. I will now have a mission to find something appropriate for her. She is amazing as far as I am concerned.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

2008-06-10T09:12:00.005-04:00

I have a new diet. It is called " I can't afford the gas for the car to go to the grocery store and even if I could, groceries are to high to buy, therefore I lose weight". Seriously, every day I go by the service station, I almost have a heart attack. The prices just keep rising. Some days, they change two times. Our vehicle has to use premium gas and in town it gets about 13 miles per gallon if we are lucky and 19 miles per gallon on the road. It is a 1997 model, in excellent shape, other than is sucks the gas up like a thirsty person. If we could afford to, it would be traded in for a car that gets better gas mileage, but being on a limited income, a car payment right now is out of the question. Needless to say, I do not drive much in town. I try to plan my trips and make as many stops in a day as I can rather than spreading them out over several days. We are on Social Security and the "WONDERFUL COST OF LIVING RAISE" (if you can call it that) is so small each year that by the time Medicare and the supplemental insurance increases, we net about 5.00 per month. Our two combined payments are higher than most people on Social Security, so I am thankful for that. A word of advice to any young people that might read this, SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. Even though you may be young, it is never to early to plan for the day when you will be in the situation that many older Americans find themselves today. Believe it or not, one day you will be an "older American". Well it is time for me to decide if I drive to the grocery store or walk or go hungry today. Just kidding. Until next time, so long.

Other Things

2008-06-05T07:44:00.003-04:00

I have been up since 4:30 AM and catching up on my favorite blogs. So much has happened since the last time I visited them. Some of my favorites are no longer there and it makes me wonder what has happened to those people and makes me sad that I was away so long and lost touch with so many good people. I have become a recluse (lol), well not really, just lazy I think. There is so much I want to write about but don't know where to start so I will let this short paragraph suffice for today. See you soon.

2008-05-29T13:05:00.001-04:00

Quotes I found today on Worry. I have been taking a long break from posting and reading my favorite blogs. I am about ready to join the human race again and not hide away anymore. I am back in Indiana and during the time I have been not writing, my brain has accumulated tons of things to write about. So in a few days, I will start to clear my mind of these mundane things.

Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weights you down. ~Toni Morrison

We experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic. ~Cullen Hightower

For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe. ~Author Unknown

Somehow our devils are never quite what we expect when we meet them face to face. ~Nelson DeMille

I've developed a new philosophy... I only dread one day at a time. ~Charlie Brown (Charles Schulz)

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia

If things go wrong, don't go with them. ~Roger Babson

Transition

2008-01-31T16:44:00.000-05:00

I will be in a transition period moving from one city to another as of February 1, 2008. I will not have an internet connection for about 1 month so needless to say I won't be posting. I hope that everything is going well for all the blogger friends I have made and I will miss each and everyone of you.

Love

2008-01-22T17:16:00.000-05:00

Greetings

2007-12-29T09:37:00.000-05:00

The holiday season is almost over and a new year is about to arrive. I truly hope this new year brings better things for each and everyone. I have been taking some time off from writing and visiting my favorite blogs. I needed some down time and I will get back to my writing and favorite blogs in the new year. I do not intend to make any resolutions for 2008 because I never keep them anyway, so why make them. lol

I only have one more thing to say today and that is:

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!:

2007-12-21T06:27:00.000-05:00

Sounds of Rain

2007-11-30T14:40:00.000-05:00

It is raining right now which is an oddity in Phoenix. The higher elevations in the state are expecting heavy snow and some flash flood warnings have been issued for the area. It reminds me of Indiana and winter storm warnings. You might think it is just rain for heavens sake but you have to know the area to understand why panic sets in when it does rain. When it rains very hard for a period of time, the run off has no place to go and all the "washes" fill with water and flood homes, etc. When you look for a place to live, one of the most important things to look for is there a "wash" close by and does it flood. There are canal systems in and around Phoenix but sometimes even those do not work when the rain is heavy.

Anyway, I am sort of enjoying the sound of rain. The rain is coming straight down so I can have my windows open. Makes me want to take a nap. The rain is forecast to continue overnight so maybe I will be able to hear that wonderful sound. On second thought, do I want to nap because of the rain or is it because I am getting older and need more rest. lol

A Prayer

2007-11-29T09:17:00.000-05:00

This was sent to me by a very good friend.

Dear Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.

This is my prayer. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

My New Life

2007-11-25T20:36:00.000-05:00

I am getting settled in my new place. Thursday we moved a couch and coffee table into my apartment. I am using the couch for a bed until I can get one. I got my computer moved. My son setup a wireless network in his apartment (right downstairs from me) and I get Internet connection in mine. Thank you God for that. I will not have to pay for the connection. Frank loaned me a television and I will get cable as soon as I can. Right now I have the local channels and that has been good. I may decide not to get cable because I hardly ever watched those channels anyway. We'll see. We went shopping Friday afternoon. Went to the 99 cent store and boy does a dollar go a long way. Nothing in the store cost more than 99 cents. I got supplies for the kitchen. We went to Tuesday Morning and I bought a coat (we need them at night now) and a mixer there. Hit the Family Dollar Store for a shower curtain, some snacks and condiments.

This morning, I got up, had coffee and toast, got dressed and walked to Walgreens, McDonalds and the grocery store. Came back home and turned on the TV, parked myself on the couch and watched football and snacked all afternoon. I managed to get in a nap. I just got dressed for bed and guess what, there is another football game and I am ready to lay back, cover up, get nice and toasty and watch the game. Probably will fall asleep but I can do that if I want. As you can see I am enjoying my new place and the freedom to do what I want, the way I want it. I am thankful for the things that I do have and for the new beginning. Thank you God.

Thanksgiving and New Apartment

2007-11-22T17:08:00.000-05:00

I officially got my keys to my new home (condo/apt) yesterday. Moving was really quick since I do not have furniture right now. I have my clothes and some things for the kitchen and I have list a mile long. Thank goodness for the 99 cent store, Goodwill, St. Vincent DePaul and Family Attic Thrift Store. I am big on saving money and these stores here have really good things plus half price days, senior days and some make deals with you. My son is going to move their couch upstairs (it makes a bed) while they do some remodeling on their unit. The first major problem occurred this morning about 4am when I discovered the refrigerator was not working, neither is the washer and a couple of outlets in the dining area. We checked the breakers and they were tripped. I can live without the washer for a few days but the refrigerator is a must. We resorted to using a heavy duty extension cord and plugging into an outlet in the living room until the electric issue can be resolved. I slept there last night on the floor. It wasn't too bad but will be glad to get the couch up there and best of all a bed.

We have not eaten Thanksgiving dinner. There are guests driving up from Tuscon (they are on the way, thank you very much because I am starving). The menu is turkey, dressing, smoked brisket, mashed potatoes, gravy, potato salad, deviled eggs, rice with apples and cranberries, passion fruit cranberry sauce (homemade - will give the recipe at the end), rolls, pies, red velvet cake. I know I missed something and have made myself even hungrier than I was.

Recipe - Passion Fruit Cranberry Sauce

1 lb Fresh/Frozen Cranberries
1 1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup Passion Fruit pulp
3/4 cup water

Simmer 20 minutes

Passion Fruit

Yummy Yummy!!!!

2007-11-18T16:15:00.000-05:00

I wrote this to Jeni but decided to use it as a post about dinner last night. I am including three receipes that are Yummy Yummy!!!!

We had turkey, dressing with chestnuts, gravy, mashed potatoes, yams with pecans and pineapple, green beans, deviled eggs, cranberry sauce, rolls, apple and pumpkin pie, fudge pie (my mother use to make this), pina colada cake. The other things were pretty much standard items. Needless to say, I ate too much.

Today my son is smoking a turkey infused with Cajun season, red beans and rice, dirty rice, greens and we still have a pina colada cake and fudge pie (made extra yesterday). I am so hungry I could eat a horse right now. lol Thursday they are cooking the typical Thanksgiving dinner and having a couple of people over to eat.

I met 5 new people last night and all of them were "normal". I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation and fellowship for a change. Frank (he had the dinner last night) has things he is going to give me for the apartment ( I have a new place and will be moving shortly). A set of flatware, wine glasses, electric jar opener, Windex cleaner and he is going to let me use a TV he has in his bedroom that he does not watch. So it seems that things are beginning to come together.

Receipes You Might Like

FUDGE PIE

INGREDIENTS
1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch single crust pie
1 cup white sugar
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup butter
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS
Unfold pie crust; fit into 9 inch pie pan. Prebake crust according to package directions. Remove from oven.
Lower the oven temperature to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
Beat together sugar, flour, cocoa powder, butter or margarine, eggs and vanilla in a medium-size bowl. Spoon into pie shell.
Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until set. Allow to cool to room temperature. Serve with whipped topping or a scoop of vanilla ice cream. You can add some fresh fruit (strawberries, yum) on top with the other stuff.

Piña Colada Cake and Frosting

Ingredients:
Cake:
1 (approx. 18.25 ounces) box white cake mix
1 small package (4 serving size) coconut instant pudding mix
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup water
1/3 cup dark rum
4 eggs
1 can (8 ounces) crushed pineapple, undrained
1 cup flaked coconut

Drizzle:
2 tablespoons dark rum
2 tablespoons pineapple juice
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups confectioners sugar

Frosting:
1 can (8 ounces) crushed pineapple, undrained
1/3 cup dark rum
1 small package (4 serving size) coconut instant pudding mix
1 container (8 ounces) Cool Whip
coconut to taste, toast* if desired

PREPARATION:
Cake:
Grease and flour a 13 x 9-inch pan or two round 8-inch layer cake pans. Preheat oven to 350°. Mix cake mix, pudding, oil, water and rum. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each
addition. Stir in pineapple then fold in coconut. Bake for 25 to 35 minutes, or until a wooden pick or cake tester inserted in center comes out clean.

Drizzle:
While cake is still warm, combine drizzle ingredients. Use a spoon and soak the layers with the mixture twice. May be extra drizzle. Just make sure the cake layers are wet.

Frosting:
Mix crushed pineapple, rum, and coconut instant pudding. Beat until it thickens. Fold in 1 container of Cool Whip. Frost cake and sprinkle top with coconut or toasted coconut.
To toast coconut: Spread coconut in shallow pan. Bake at 350° for about 15 minutes, stirring frequently, until lightly browned.

Yams with Pecans and Pineapple
Use canned yams and mash them up. Add pecans and pineapple to taste and heat as usual. His were not topped but you could put cool whip on top or melted marshmallows.

Weekend

2007-11-17T14:28:00.000-05:00

Here's hoping every one has a good weekend. We are going to the next door neighbor's house for dinner tonight. He is having Thanksgiving dinner early because he is going to visit his sister next week. He is a good cook and I can hardly wait until it is time to eat. I cannot decide if I should eat any lunch (diiner will not be served until 7:30 PM) so I can have plenty of room for good food. lol I am so hungry right now thinking and writing about food, that the question has been answered, it is time for some lunch.

View From My Window

2007-11-13T12:25:00.000-05:00

As of December 1st, this will be the view from my dining room window. Squaw Peak at its best. I am planning on getting a recliner so I can sit and enjoy the view. I may have to get a recliner that swivels since the view from the living room window is almost as good.

Aging Quotes

2007-11-08T18:39:00.000-05:00

There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. ~Author Unknown

Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim

There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age - I missed it coming and going. ~J.B. Priestly

I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown

Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard

I Am Getting Old - Part Twenty-six

2007-11-07T12:11:00.001-05:00

I am getting old because…Somehow, I twisted my knee last Friday and being the optimist I am (when it comes to aches and pains and there are millions of them now lol), I assumed it would quit hurting, I could walk and everything would be okay. How wrong can someone be? It is now Tuesday afternoon and the pain has only increased. It hurts to walk unless I stiffen the entire right leg, then it only hurts a little bit and I look funny when I walk. (Shades of Chester from the old TV show, Gunsmoke.) I have been taking Ibuprofen and that is not working very well. The pain is starting to gravitate up my thigh to my hip, probably because of the funny way I am walking.

I just started to look for a doctor in the area and have not had much success since there are lots of doctors here who do not accept Medicare, which I find hard to believe and is a story of its own. This may just accelerate the search or else I will have to go to the emergency room, and I really do not really want to. A trip to the ER may have an up side since a doctor would probably want x-rays and that would mean a second trip to the x-ray place. In either case, I think I need to get it treated. When I put my hand on the knee cap, I can feel “something” moving inside and I can “hear” the movement. It is hard to explain.

Enough about the knee for now and on to the hunt for my next topic which is, WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR SKIN WHEN IT AGES?. I always wondered why my mother had so many scrapes and bruises as she got older. Now I think I know. It seems the skin must get thinner as you age and is easier to scrape and bruise. It only takes a small pressure to damage the skin. Most of the time, I am not even sure how or when it happened. I was shopping the other night and the side of my leg started to itch. I scratched the spot (through my slacks) and that night when I dressed for bed, you should have seen what had happened to my leg. There is an injury about 3 inches long, 2 inches wide with red marks (I call them blood blisters) and bruising. Evidently, I am not aware of my own strength. lol I found a small scrape on the side of my arm. There are so many of these “injuries”, I am afraid that the doctors will think I have been beaten if I make the trip to the ER and a few months ago that may have been true.

I am not complaining. I am grateful that I still have my limbs and my skin. A few aches and pains are nothing compared to what others must feel when they lose a limb or burn their skin. I am very fortunate.

This Weekend

2007-11-06T13:34:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was good. Bil, my son, and Larry went to a gumbo cook off on Sunday and I had the afternoon to myself. I watched football, took a nap, and cleaned the kitchen. The kitchen was a must since Bil had cooked all Saturday night and Sunday morning. Do you know how much 6 gallons of gumbo looks like and what a mess it is to cook? Bil makes his own roux which was a requirement for the contest and then adds everything but the kitchen sink. Just kidding, he did not put the in sink. Bil and Larry are both chefs and we have terrific meals. I am not a shabby cook but leave most of that to them since we tend to eat different types of food. I have tried more new dishes in the past months than I can count. Something must have happened to my taste buds because I am eating things I never thought would pass through my lips and believe it or not, I really like the taste. We eat healthy, lots of chicken and vegetables. Grilled, baked, steamed food, or dishes cooked in the crock pot. The dish last night was spinach and mushroom lasagna with a white sauce. Yes, it was as good as it sounds.

I cannot believe it is November 6th already. It is still very warm here and is deceiving. Makes it difficult to believe our fall is almost over because it is so warm. I saw the weather forecast for the midwest, cold and snowy. Cannot say I miss it at all. Maybe at some time I will but for now I enjoy wearing shorts in November.

I Am Getting Old - Part Twenty-five

2007-10-31T14:22:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…well I forget why???? These days this is normal for me. Right in the middle of completing a task, I forget things. Like why am I doing this and what is next. I think part of it has to do with the fact, I feel unorganized. I am currently sleeping on my son's couch but the good thing is I have a place to sleep and a roof over my head and food. I have my important papers, etc., in a crate under the computer and am constantly worrying that I have lost something or something is missing. I just got through getting them organized, again, and I have not lost anything. Thank you very much. There is this canvas thing that hangs on the closet rod where I have my underwear and folding clothes. All in all it is not that bad. I am grateful for these things and thank God each night. I am looking for my own place and will have one before the new year. My son says to take my time and we will begin to accumulate household items, etc., so I will have some things to get started. If I knew enough people, I would have a housewarming party and get lots of gifts. lol I only know a few at this time, so the party will have to wait.

It is time for another cup of coffee and time for me to reorganize, again. lol

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-29T17:28:00.000-04:00

Today and Other Stuff

2007-10-28T19:10:00.000-04:00

It is Sunday, October 28, 2007, 3:05PM and the temperature in Phoenix is 95, Wind: E at 8 mph, Humidity: 10%. The sun is shining and overall a gorgeous day here. I have not done much today other than load and unload the dishwasher and snack. It is one of those lazy days, a day of rest. Not that I do that much on the other days. I did sweep the leaves off the walkway in front of the condo. Believe it or not it is fall and yes, the leaves fall from the trees even in Phoenix. I am wearing shorts today and that is really nice.

There are Gecko's that run along the walls of the flower garden in the front, around the back door frame. Since the parking space is at the back door of the condo, you have to be careful when opening and closing the door. Unfortunately, this morning my son found one of the Gecko's deceased on the top of the back door. Seems like no matter how careful you try to be, it does not always work. My son felt really bad that we had somehow killed the Gecko. In case, you would like to read more about Gecko's: Gecko - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

I just learned a lesson that I preached to my students about SAVE, SAVE, SAVE every few minutes when using composing documents, creating spreadsheets, presentations, etc. The breaker kicked off and of course I had not saved this post for a while and lost 2 paragraphs of it. Perhaps the paragraphs I lost were not supposed to be included here. lol I was writing about Microsoft charging such a high price for MS Office and how I had found OpenOffice 2.3. I cannot remember exactly what I had written but the point was OpenOffice is FREE and works very well with Vista and has 99.9% of the features of MS Office. If anyone needs a suite of products comparable to MS Office, I would recommend OpenOffice (from Sun Microsystems). Here is a link to the website: OpenOffice.org: Home. Until later, Sainara, Ciao, Au revoir, Adiós, Auf Wiedersehen. In case you want to say goodbye in another language, I found this site: "Goodbye" in many languages.

My Little Friend

2007-10-26T20:59:00.001-04:00

“Poi Dog”, my son's Chihuahua. He is thirteen and a real doll. I have been trying for days to get a photo of him standing and he will have none of it. I will keep trying. If you are wondering about his name, he is named for a band called Poi Dog Pondering.

Ruth's Bottle of Hugs

2007-10-24T11:39:00.000-04:00

You can visit Ruth at Me, My Life, My Garden . Hugs to everyone who may visit here today.

Feelings

2007-10-23T13:52:00.000-04:00

This is not being written for people to “stroke me” or tell me that I can write or that I will be okay. It is merely my observations and thoughts today. As you read this, you will see that I am filled with self doubt and fear today. It is one of those days for me. I know who to thank for this and that is not meant kindly. For so long I was told how useless and worthless I was and I have not overcome those feelings. They manage to creep back when I least expect them. With time, I am sure they will change and I will know that I am useful and worthy.

I fancy myself a writer and a poet in my mind. Then I read my favorite blogs and I am intimidated by the post on them. I question why did I ever think I could write? Those posts seem so polished and professional and then I read mine. I seem to ramble on about nothing even though I have all these profound thoughts in my mind. At least I think they are profound.

In fact, I visited at least ten blogs this morning and only left a couple of comments. One about my obsession with coffee and one for someone taking a break from blogging for a while. The intimidation extends to comments I may want to leave because I was touched by the words of the blogger. I do not want to seem patronizing to the bloggers but so many times their post seem to express my feelings that it is scary to see that others feel as I do. What I want to ask is how, do you get past these feelings when you do not have the energy to do so? I want to cry, scream, yell, hide under the covers, withdraw from life. In other words, I feel like a child that has a tantrum. Would it do any good? No!!! Does expressing these feelings on paper do any good? Maybe, maybe not. I only know that I have to get this out of my system or I will cease to exist.

Quote

2007-10-22T11:47:00.001-04:00

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain

I Am Getting Old – Part Twenty-four

2007-10-21T11:27:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…I need peace, quite, understanding, tolerance and acceptance in my life. I wish and pray for peace for the world and all the people in the world. I pray for each of us as human beings to accept mankind and be tolerant of all people. We are all God’s children, no matter our skin color, the language we speak. I read the news each day and wonder how people can be so cruel to others and what they think gives them the right to hurt others. How on earth can one human being kill another? Do they have a conscience? Are they just evil? Are they insane? Will we ever know the answers to these questions?

Does this need for peace and understanding come with age? If so, then I wish there wish some way to instill this in us while we are still young. Perhaps the world would be a better place to live. As years pass it seems that we as a society are turning away from God and assuming an anything goes attitude. I will continue to live with understanding, tolerance and acceptance of others and hope that others around me may come to see this as a good thing and do the same.

I wrote this a couple of days ago when I was in one of those moods. That's another thing I found out. That as I get older, I get "moody". Hey, after 64 years, I am entitled.

Landscapes - Squaw Peak In Phoenix

2007-10-20T09:28:00.001-04:00

See Other Places at These Links

1. Gene Bach

2. katherine.

3. Claire Rachael Pitt

4. david mcmahon

5. Vic Grace

6. Ron Simpson

7. SargeCharlie
8. Amazing Gracie

9. Jessie

10. Acire

11. Nikita

12. Scott F

13. SargeCharlie

14. julia
15. Patsy

16. Aditi Srivastava

17. Aman

18. Misty Dawn

19. Latharia

These photos were taken in and around the condo where my son lives. Squaw Peak Mountain is within walking distance. I just moved back here a month ago and would have taken more photos but I am without transportation at this time. Phoenix is surrounded by mountains and we have desert and palm trees. Seems like a contradiction but is simply breathtaking.

I Am Getting Old – Part Twenty-three

2007-10-16T14:25:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…I am happier with less than I use to be. I have discovered or finally learned that material things are not the answer to all our needs. My needs are simple these days. I want a nice place to live that has somewhere for me to sit outside and watch the world go by and join in when I want to, a place to plant flowers and tend to them, a place to call my own and live in peace, sleep late or stay up all night, just do what I want to.

I Am Getting Old – Part Twenty-two

2007-10-10T13:16:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…the mirror tells me so each time I ask, mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all. Seriously, each day my hair gets a little grayer and there seems to be a new wrinkle that was not there yesterday. I can do something about the gray hair but not sure what to do about the new wrinkle. I know that I will never get a face-lift since I watched a special on Discovery Channel that showed how a face-lift is done. My face hurt just watching the special and decided then that I would consider the wrinkles a sign of wisdom and leave them alone.

I approached the issue of changing my hair color today by checking out hair salons close by. Some do not do color and the ones that do are WAY to expensive. I have entertained the idea of “do it yourself” color but then I remembered the times I tried this before and the results. So I think I will just save for a month or two and let someone who knows what they are doing color my hair. Then if it turns out badly, I have someone to blame and have recourse to get it fixed. I have been watching “the trends” for fall and it seems that the must have color is some shade of brown. The problem I have with that is when your hair grows, the gray will show through quickly. I may buck the trends and go with a blonde shade. Who knows and how trivial is this?

I have not gained any more wisdom, i.e., no new wrinkles today. Just think if I gain wisdom, I may look like a prune when I am eighty, assuming I make it to that age. This makes me think that maybe I am wise enough at 64; therefore, I will not get any more wrinkles. How dumb to worry about wrinkles. Due to good genes from my grandmother and mother, I have been blessed with skin that really does not wrinkle that much and for that I am grateful.

Well, it is time to move on for today and look for other reasons why I am getting old.

I am Getting Old - Part Twenty-one

2007-10-07T18:56:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…as I unloaded the washer, putting clothes in the dryer, my mind drifted back to my childhood and thoughts of hanging our clothes outside in the fresh air and sunshine. I remembered our Maytag wringer washer and big aluminum tub for the rinse water being filled on washday, which was usually Monday. I remember putting “stretchers” in the legs of the blue jeans that had been starched. I remember “cooking” the starch for the clothes and my beloved “can-can” slips worn with pride under full skirts to make them “stand out”. I remembered getting the ironing board and iron ready. No steam iron back then so we “sprinkled” the clothes with water and rolled them in a towel to keep them damp so they would be easier to iron. We ironed everything: sheets, pillowcases, handkerchiefs, clothes. Washday was an all day affair at our home and thank goodness it only came once a week.

It is funny how the simplest of tasks can trigger such good memories.

I Am Getting Old – Part Twenty

2007-07-03T06:24:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because ….I am taking naps in the middle of the afternoon and I have not done that since I was a young child, so it must be getting older that is causing this. My sleep habits have always been horrible. I would go to bed late at night and wake up very early in the morning. In the past few years, I go to bed early and still wake up early. I fall asleep very quickly and thought that was a good thing but I saw a program on sleep disorders and learned that the quicker you fall asleep, the more sleep deprived you are. Imagine that. I would wake up three or four times each night so maybe I was sleep deprived

My cat Morris caused part of my waking up. For some reason starting at 3AM, he meows, very pitiful I might add, until someone gets up to feed him. Nothing would make him stop. Not even a spray bottle of water (he loves to play in the water running from the faucet). I solved this problem by moving his litter box, food, and water to the den and at night, I shut the den door. This is a better solution than a “crate” to keep him in at night (recommended by the vet). You might ask why not just close the bedroom door. Well, Morris has this thing about doors that are closed. He will “paw” at them and then jump against them until the door is opened to stop the noise.

Morris is an unusual cat. I adopted him in 1995 at the age of 6 months. He has always done strange things. I could not leave an ashtray out at night because he would take the cigarette butts and put them under the rug in the kitchen in a straight line about an inch apart. I had glass candles on the coffee table and he would take the wicks out and hide them. One time I bought dried flowers for an arrangement that included pieces of wheat. The next day when I came home from work, he had taken all those pieces of wheat out of the arrangement and put them at different places around the apartment. I filled a glass vase with marbles and he had to try to take them out of the vase. These are just a few of the “tricks” he would do. I would never considered giving him up. He comes when he is called and gets in my lap on the love seat and purrs and is so loving. I just consider him a very smart cat, not a bother. He is like my little “child".

By the way, since moving Morris to the den at night, I do not wake up during the night but still am napping in the middle of the afternoon, so I am still on a quest to find the reason for that.

I Am Getting Old – Part Nineteen

2007-06-26T10:04:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…I am having a hard time spelling numbers out in words. I may have to change the title of these posts. lol I thought for a while that I did not have anything to write about but once I started writing, I found that I did. Have you noticed lately how many ads there are on television for medications for every ailment you can think of and some you cannot? It makes me wonder how in the world my parents, their parents, etc., survived. It seems that perhaps greed by the pharmaceutical companies may have created a pill for every ache and pain people have and given a name to the aches and pains. To me this is just fodder for hypochondriacs. The ads tell you to ask your doctor. Give me a break, you are lucky if you get to see the doctor for five minutes and if you have anything to ask or say, you better talk really fast. I have resorted to making list of the questions I want answered and still do not find out what I want to know.

If you listen to the side effects that these new drugs have, why would anyone want to take them anyway. I know, you get one of the side effects and there is a pill to take. Some of the “new” ailments are, PAD (Peripheral Arterial Disease), PVD (Peripheral Vascular Disease) RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) ED (Erectile Dysfunction), “going to much”, to name a few.

While writing this post, I did some searches and read some articles on WebMD. You might be surprised to know (maybe not) that smoking is listed as a major cause of diseases. Alcohol is listed as a cause of some of the diseases, far fewer than smoking. I am not being flippant but my previous physician blamed hangnails on my smoking so it was hard to take him seriously. Since it appears that smoking is really bad for you, WHY HAVEN’T THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES CONCENTRATED ON A DRUG TO END THE NICOTINE ADDICTION? Are they owned by the tobacco companies and is there a conspiracy to keep people addicted to nicotine?

Seriously, nicotine and alcohol addictions need to be treated as diseases themselves. The pharmaceutical companies should allocate R&D dollars to develop a drug to end the hold that nicotine and alcohol have on people.

A Thousand Marbles

2007-06-21T09:51:00.001-04:00

I posted this back in December of 2006. I thought I would share it again.

“A Thousand Marbles”

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it:

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whom-ever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's "dance recital" he continued. "Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.

"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part.

It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays." "I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear."

"Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.

There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time."

"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"

You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter.

Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles.

Copyright © 1999, Jeff Davis, KE9V ( previously N9AVG )

(Start of Addition)
A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend.

And so, as one smart bear once said..."If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh.

Pass this on to all of your FRIENDS, even if it means sending it to the person that sent it to you.

And if you receive this e-mail many times from many different people, it only means that you have many FRIENDS.

And if you get it but once, do not be discouraged for you will know that you have at least one good friend... And that would be ME.
(End of Addition)

Used with the permission of the author and these are the author’s comments –

The Author writes: I wrote this story a few years ago for the amateur community. In a very short time it became quite popular and was picked up by various email lists, newsgroups and 10,000 other Web sites.

It has since appeared in the Philadelphia Enquirer, Chicago Sun-Times and a dozen other newspapers. I've had friends and co-workers email it to me with "Author Unknown" on the bottom of it.

The "outside" world has sometimes modified it slightly to downplay the amateur radio in the story. You may see other variations but they all come from this one story.

In September 2000 Andrews McMeel Publishing asked me if I could turn the story into a book ... of a "thousand things to do on your day off" so I did. A Thousand Marbles will be on the bookshelves in June, 2001. I hope you pick up a copy. This has been an amazing adventure for me!

Jeffrey Davis, N9AVG

I Am Getting Old – Part Eighteen

2007-06-20T14:40:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…well, I cannot really remember why. Recently I bought some Aveeno Ultra Calming Foaming Cleanser with naturally calming “feverfew” to use as a face cleanser. (Feverfew is a member of the chamomile family of herbs.) It does work as advertised for your face, reduces redness and calms your skin. Now if I can only figure out a way to buy enough to take a bath in it and “calm” my whole body. At approximately $6.47 for 6fl. Ounce bottle and according to my calculations, I would need at least 10 bottles. We are talking $64.70 in order to be calm. For $64.70, I could pay for one session with a psychiatrist, at least for one half hour.

I am once again in the midst of quitting smoking. I have not had a cigarette since 5:10PM, Saturday, June 16, 2007. I have been using the 2 mg nicorette lozenges and use fewer of them each day so I can get the nicotine out of my body quickly. I have also been taking my “nerve” pills so that I would not actually commit murder during this time. Just kidding. I am doing well so far even though I want a cigarette RIGHT NOW. The hardest time for me is when I eat a meal so I have decided that I will stop eating for a while. Not!

It is vital that I quit smoking because of my asthma and COPD with chronic bronchitis. I can already tell there is a marked difference in my breathing and it does feel good to breathe without feeling as if you are out of breath. It is stupid for me to smoke and I know that. I keep telling myself that each time the desire for a cigarette hits me. What is strange to me is that you are ostracized when people find out you smoke, but when you tell them you have quit or are in the process, they do not seem to care one way or the other. Oh well, at least I know I am trying to quit.

Enough about smoking and on to other things for another day.

I Am Getting Old – Part Seventeen

2007-05-28T19:25:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because… I cannot hear the television unless the volume is on as high as it will go and I only sit about 5 feet from the set. Never fear though when the commercial comes on, it can be heard for blocks away. We bought one of those televisions that is supposed to deal with the “loud” commercials, but doesn’t work as advertised. Either that or the people who make commercials have figured out a way to override that feature.

Things I wonder about – How does a washing machine and/or dryer manage to turn articles of clothing inside out? Does the light in the refrigerator/car trunk really go out when the door/trunk is closed? Who decided how words are spelled and pronounced? When you ask someone how they are, do you really want an answer? Does your stomach really “stretch” when you gain weight? Is the earth really round (I know the surface has mountains, trees, buildings, etc.)? If the earth is round, why don’t we fall off or feel upside down as it turns on its axis? How does the brain accumulate and store so much information? How does your memory work? How do birds fly?

Results of Nerve Test

2007-05-21T06:21:00.000-04:00

I had the dreaded nerve test on Thursday of last week. The good news is that the doctor did not use needles, only electrodes and a “stun gun”. At least it looked like a stun gun to me. He used that device to “shoot” electrical current through the nerves to see if there was any interruption in the nerve. The bad news is that the ulnar nerve in my left arm is pinched/compressed at the elbow. The first course of treatment is therapy which begins June 5th. If the nerve cannot be decompressed with therapy, the next course of treatment will be surgery so that the nerve will not be permanently damaged. In the meantime, I am not supposed to use the left arm any more than necessary and to keep it straight as much as possible. If you have never tried to do that, take it from me, it is next to impossible to do. To make it even worse, I am left-handed.

After reading the news this morning, I can say that I am thankful that I have my arms even with the pinched nerve. I read a story about a young mother who contracted a flesh eating bacteria immediately after giving birth and lost both arms and legs in order to live. So no matter how bad a situation you are in seems to be, there is always someone in a worse situation.

I Am Getting Old – Part Sixteen

2007-05-17T04:13:00.000-04:00

(I managed to fix the problem on my own this morning. Somehow, the compose mode for my blogs had been turned off and I know for sure that I did not do that. I may be getting really old because there is now an icon for spell check and I do not remember it being there before. This post was written before the one titled help.)

I am getting old because…well, just because. If you remember, I got a new computer and downloaded a trial version of the Microsoft Office Suite. I use Word to write my posts and then copy and paste them to blogger. Something has to change. Either I need to find another word processor; use blogger to write (no spell checker so that is not a real option) or blogger has to do something about their formatting. I do not use any special formatting in Word so I do not understand what is happening when the post is pasted to blogger. Something happens to the spacing, the font and the justification. Heaven forbid if I use any of blogger’s formatting, which is limited at best. I do not want to do anything “fancy” but would like to be able to change the format at times without having to spend hours to undo or fix whatever goes wrong. It is almost enough to make me quit using blogger, (not really). I have used a few of the other “blog” sites and blogger works better than they do if you can believe that.

I do not understand what happens to posts days after they were posted. Case in point, I posted an item and viewed the blog and the post looked like I had intended it to look. Imagine my surprise when I viewed the blog this morning (a week later) and that one post had “changed”. Most of it had adopted the use of Italics that was intended for one line and the color I used for that one line. Makes you wonder, if someone or something at blogger has the job of “messing” up the posts so you will spend more time on the site “fixing” things. Maybe I just forgot and I am the one who posted it that way.

Help

2007-05-15T11:52:00.000-04:00

Does anyone use a blog service other that blogger? This morning the formatting options in blogger post have changed and most of them are missing. According to the Blogger Help Group, there are many other people who have reported this issue and others, like comments disappearing, posts being changed after the fact. So far I cannot find any response from Blogger as to what the problem is or when it will be fixed. I am about ready to find another blogging service to use. Does anyone have any they can recommend?

I Am Getting Old - Part Fifteen

2007-05-14T09:24:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…it is 2007 and I was born in 1943. Okay, I think you get the point.

I have been wearing my hair really short for the last twelve or thirteen years for several reasons. It is easier to take care of and I have never been one to “fuss” with hair styles. My hair has never looked like the hair you see in commercials. It has always been “lifeless” and dull. Never “swinging” to and fro nor shining. I have tried every shampoo and conditioner on the market and nothing has ever given me that kind of hair. I sort of resigned myself to the fact that my hair is what it is. Anyway, I think short hair looks better on me that hair with any length. Now to the thing that is really bothering me about my short hair. You would not believe how many times I am called “SIR” by salespersons or for that matter other people. I give them the benefit of doubt by thinking they have only seen me from the rear and cannot tell. If that is the case then, WHY DON’T YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE FRONT OF ME TO DECIDE IF I AM MALE OR FEMALE? I know I am not one of the “beautiful people” but I am reasonably attractive (at least my husband thinks so) and I do not look like a male. On the other hand, my husband has the same problem. His hair is somewhat curly and he wears it a little longer and he gets called “MAAM” all the time. I suppose we will have to “swap” hair styles if we expect to be referred to properly. But then again, we are not the confused ones, so to heck with the people who cannot tell the difference.

After many years of “coloring” my hair, I made a decision to go natural which meant that my hair is gray (salt and pepper ugly gray). My husband’s hair is black with touches of gray at the temple. Imagine my despair when he is asked if I am his mother. This has actually happened and is a real boost to his ego as you can imagine. We are the same age and I do not look that old. Once again, why don’t people just keep quite? Needless to say, in February of this year, I had my hair “colored” again to a warm blonde and now I look ten years younger and have not been mistaken for his mother lately.

When I was thirteen or fourteen, I decided that I wanted blonde hair and knew that my mother would never let me change the color. Since I was just an unsophisticated teenager at the time, I thought I knew how to “bleach” my hair blonde. I reasoned that if Clorox Bleach whitened clothes, that it should work on my hair as well. Yep, you guessed it. I poured Clorox Bleach on my head to “bleach my hair”. Needless to say, it did not work and I smelled funny for a while and mother wondered what had happened to her bleach. Another thing I did regarding hair was that when my soon was five and since he wore a “burr” haircut, I decided I would buy a hair cutting set and save money by cutting his hair. No wonder my son has a problem with me. lol After the first haircut I gave him, I gave the hair cutting set to the girl who did my hair at the time. You might wonder how you can mess up a “burr” haircut, well I managed to do it.

I Am Getting Old - Part Fourteen

2007-05-11T05:29:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…I really am. I went to the doctor Thursday, May 3rd and he confirmed that I have a pinched nerve in my left arm or somewhere on the left side. (WebMD was right.) I go back this coming Thursday, May 17th for an EMG to see where and which nerve is “pinched” so it can be treated. This brings me to the topic for today. WHEN SOMEONE HAS A PROBLEM, WHY IS IT ALWAYS 2 or 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE TEST CAN BE DONE? Now I know why people go to the emergency room rather than to their doctor. They can get an answer in a few hours versus a few weeks. I had an EMG several years ago and do not relish the thought of having needles stuck in my arm and neck again. The same doctor is also treating the arthritis in my knee and wants to use a new medication which is INJECTED into the knee once a week for three or four weeks. NOT! He led me to believe there was only one injection but the brochure he gave me to read says it has to be done for three or four weeks. I do not trust anyone to stick a needle in my knee or anywhere else for that matter so I have decided I will live with the pain in the knee for the time being and just get the “sleeping fingers” taken care of for now. That is way more needles than I can take for a while.

It is a good thing that I really like this doctor and do not want to go to anyone else because on the third, I had to wait over an hour to see him. His daughter was graduating the next day from nursing school and they had doubled up on appointments on Thursday so he could take Friday off to attend the graduation. Plus someone had x-rays taken of their back and needed to see a surgeon right away which was called a “patient emergency” and delayed the remainder of the appointments for Thursday. I know I am retired and most of the time do not have anything pressing to do but my time is just as valuable as anyone else’s. I think I should charge the doctor for the time I waited. I have always felt this way. I am not a very patient person and when I have an appointment, I am always on time and expect to be seen at the appointed time.

One last thing for today, the weather is finally warming up and with the good weather comes the flowers, grass, POLLEN and allergies. I have sneezed and blown my nose so much it is getting to be a nuisance. I think I could qualify for the Guinness World record for sneezing. This is the worst year I can remember for allergies. When we go to the store or out shopping everyone is sniffling and wiping their noses. (Makes me want to buy stock in Kleenex.) The pollen is so bad this year that our black car now looks sort of yellowish or greenish with all the pollen on it.

I Am Getting Old – Part Thirteen

2007-05-03T07:51:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…today I have nothing to say and haven’t for a few days. Just kidding. For some reason, I have been at a loss for words, if you can believe that. I am going to the doctor today, hurrah. There is something wrong with the nerves in my left arm and two of my fingers are not “awake”. You know the feeling you get when circulation has been restricted in a body part and it starts to come back (wake up). I do not have a medical degree but WebMD has me convinced it is the nerves. Today will tell me for sure if I can trust the site.

I just remember something to write about. Every time I “reboot” my computer, Vista, the super duper new operating system from Microsoft attempts to install a printer driver for my printer even though it is not compatible with Vista. Even though I click on cancel when the install starts, it does something to the driver I downloaded for the printer to work. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time reinstalling the correct driver so I can print. If you haven’t used or seen Vista you are in for a surprise. Vista sort of has the look of Windows but is really different and things are hard to find. I am beginning to learn my way around and still find new things each day. I downloaded a trial version of MS Office and that is really different. It seems Microsoft has revamped all their software to “make things easier” but they should warn the user how much different things are.

Since my cat Morris has decided he is going to sit in my lap while I type, I will close this for today and see what I can find for another time.

Family First Website

2007-04-23T10:37:00.000-04:00

I found a website called Family First while looking for a joke. Check it out.

(This was the joke I was searching for.)
Remember, old folks are worth a fortune -- silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomachs. I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become quite a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!

P.S.: The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, "Oh, I do all the time. No matter where I am -- in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement -- I ask myself what am I here after?"

I Am Getting Old – Part Twelve

2007-04-23T09:35:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…Once again, this is probably not because of getting older but just something to write about. I recently bought a new computer and a printer. The gotcha is, as the salesperson kindly pointed out it was not his company but the printer manufacturer, a printer cable did not come with the printer. The cable had to be purchased separately. I should have remembered that from my IT days. Each time we bought printers, we had to by cables. You would think that since the cable is essential to operate the printer with the computer it would be included as an accessory.

At the time I bought the computer, the salesperson also told me that for the sum of $150.00 they would “setup the computer for me”. He indicated that Vista (Microsoft’s newest operating system) was hard to setup. They would “add the gadgets” to the desktop for me. Even after I told the salesperson what my job was for the past 20 years, he still said I would not be able to do the setup. I kindly told him, that I was pretty sure I could and I did. The setup process was so easy that even a person without any computer experience, could do it. The hardest part, even though there is some color-coding on the “wires”, is finding where to plug the monitor, keyboard, mouse, printer, etc., into the back of the system unit. Once that has been accomplished, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH ALL THE JUMBLE OF CORDS? I have been thinking about how to invent something to solve this problem but have not come up with a feasible solution.

My other gripe about the computer is that MS Office Suite Software no longer comes with the computer. It too has to be purchased separately. Microsoft does allow the computer manufacturer to include MS Works. After I checked the price of the MS Office Suite, I decided that for the time being MS Works would, no pun intended, work for me. The student version of MS Office is 149.00 and the professional version is 399.00. As far as I am concerned, that is highway robbery. You would think that since Bill Gates and Microsoft are worth “billions”, he/they could at least give computer users a student version of MS Office. How much money does he need?

Other than these things I have written about, I really do like my new computer. My husband knows absolutely nothing about computers and he wants me to teach him. Even though I have taught classes about computers and software, I DO NOT WANT TO TEACH HIM. I would like to stay married to him so I keep putting him off. I am not sure how much longer I can avoid it. Oh well, I may suggest that he take lessons somewhere else and see how that is accepted. Until next time, so long for now.

I Am Getting Old – Part Eleven

2007-04-20T16:25:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because…I found some more topics yesterday and as I examine them and write, I think these too have nothing to do with aging but are things that have always bothered my and now I have the time to write about them.

First is opening a new roll of aluminum foil. It is hard enough to get the flap open without getting a paper cut, which really hurts the thicker the paper is, but try to get the end of the roll pulled up so you can tear it off as needed. It gets turned in and will not pull or it pulls and tears so you have all these little edges at the ends of the roll and have to peal them off so it stays even. Then when I put it in the drawer next to the stove, the lid will not stay down and when I open the drawer next time, it gets hung on the lid of the foil. You would think that I would move it to another place like the top shelf in the cabinet over the sink but that is not where I want it. I want it in that drawer next to the stove.

Second is my coffee pot. It takes to long to “make coffee” and really makes to much noise while it does. I get up really early and of course, there is no other noise at that time of the morning so all you can hear is the coffee pot “gurgling and sputtering”. I am always afraid it will wake my husband up but so far, he sleeps through it although I cannot understand why. The other thing about the coffee pot is trying to pour the water in using the “pot” itself. Mine did not come with one of those pitchers to use. When pouring the water in, it goes everywhere but in the “water holder” or whatever you call it. It dribbles down my arm, onto the kitchen counter, down the side of the coffee pot, under the microwave. No matter how I hold it or try to move it, the same thing happens. It is enough to make me quit drinking coffee. NOT!!! I forgot the markings on the side of the pot. Mine is a “12 cup” pot. Give me a break. The cups I have are normal size and I am lucky if I get 4 cups from the pot of coffee. They must have used cups for a miniature tea set when determining how many cups the pot holds.

Third is trying to open the plastic containers that things are packed in when you buy them. I know they are probably made they way they are to keep people from stealing small items from a store but give me a break. I have tried using a knife, scissors and any other sharp object I can find to penetrate the plastic to remove my purchase. I just bought a new computer and printer with a new printer cable (which did not come with the printer but had to be purchased separately, another topic as well as the cost of MS Office Software, which I consider highway robbery. This is the topic of Part Twelve). It took me about a half hour to get the plastic package open to get the cable out of the package. That was a record for me as I usually can get in them in about fifteen minutes.

Well that is enough for part eleven. I am going to get the last cup of coffee from my pot that spills not only the water, but also the coffee when I pour it into my cup.

I Am Getting Old – Part Ten

2007-04-18T04:31:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because… Lucky you, I came up with a couple of more topics just as Part Nine was finished. I looked up the word expound, to be sure it was really a word and not something I dreamed up, on a Website I use and this is what I found.

Definitions of expound:
Verb: state
Verb: add details, as to an account or idea; clarify the meaning of and discourse in a learned way, usually in writing

The first definition makes sense and the second started out okay, then the last part threw me off course. Now I have to look up “discourse and a learned way” to ensure I know what they mean so I know what expound means. What I would really like to find is an online dictionary that uses plain ole words to give a definition and a few examples of how the word is used in a sentence would not be to shabby either. If you ask me, no one did, it is a vicious circle. One good thing is that I am learning many new words. I guess this proves the saying, that you are never too old to learn something new. Writing this brought to mind a teacher I once had. She told us we should pick out a new word everyday, learn and understand the definition. We should then use it 10 times that day in a sentence. Then we would own that word.

The other thing I thought of to write about is writing. When I was in school, I could hardly write one paragraph for a book report, theme paper or term paper. Now I cannot stop writing. The words come into my mind faster than my fingers can type and the result is that I leave some of them out of a sentence. That is why I have turned into a very good proofreader, I hope. When I type, I will look down at my hands and then back at the monitor. It looks like garbage because I got my fingers on the wrong keys during the glance down and back up. Then the hard part is I have try and figure out what I was trying to type. Either I have more to say now that I am getting older or it is just easier to type on a computer than to use pen and paper to write. For some reason I do not understand that makes me sad. Maybe I do understand, the hand written words have such a personal touch to them.

I now carry a notebook in my purse so when I get an idea or thought, I can make a few notes for myself because if I do not make a note, I cannot remember it by the time I get home. Not only am I getting older but also, my short-term memory sometimes takes a vacation at the most inopportune time. I know that when people see me grappling around inside my purse like a wild “person”, they must think I am strange. Remember the panic from clutter, not finding my notebook in my purse generates the same panic. I have to find that notebook before I lose the thought.

Until I find the next topic, so long for now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RUTH!!!!

2007-04-17T10:53:00.000-04:00

I Am Getting Old - Part Nine

2007-04-12T08:27:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because user ID's password/pin numbers and clutter are becoming an issue for me. One of the first rules we taught our users, was never to write your passwords down for people to see. We would find them on sticky notes attached to their monitors. Well guess what, now I am doing the same sort of thing. Only I made a list, which is conveniently, located right next to my computer. Not smart. I made a list because each website I want to dig deep into to see what it is about, requires a user ID and password. I try to use the same ID and password all the time, it is just easier that way. My preferred ID is 2feeleys (my son used that when he setup my email account).

Imagine my surprise when I get a message from a website that 2feeleys is taken. First, there are not that many people with the last name Feeley, or at least I could not find many other that my husband’s family. Second, I know I never registered there before so it cannot be me. Some sites have a feature that tells you how “strong” your selected password is. So far, the one I use is “strong” and the best part is I can remember it easily.

For email and banking, the password I use is very long and weird. (Our home network got “attacked” by “worms” and “hackers”.) I panicked and made that password weird so it would be harder to steal. Several mornings, before my first cup of coffee, I have started to login and forgot the new one. I have to wait until the coffee is done and I can get my eyes open and brain working before I can remember the password I made up. For this one, I used good sense and did not write it down. I hope “worms” and “hackers” have the same problem when they do whatever it is they do.

Pin numbers do not really give me a problem as long as I can start it with 0. I never figured out why some places that assign a pin number will not let you use 0 as the first number. Looks like a perfectly good number to me.

Clutter, now this does give me a problem. I have been this way for a long time so I do not think aging has anything to do with it. When I am writing and using the computer, I make notes on scraps of paper, sticky notes and anything else handy. I lay pencils, pens, notebooks and all sorts of things down anywhere I can reach. All of sudden I realize I cannot find anything I am looking for and then I panic. It is time to stop and get myself organized. It usually takes about 3 or 4 days to make the mess, but I am fast at getting it cleaned up and organized. I use File 13 for most of the notes, because by this time, I have forgotten why I made it in the first place. The feeling I get while sitting amidst the clutter is like, well imagine all the thoughts that you have in your mind becoming like a whirlwind, swirling round and round. Then they start to fly in all different directions and you cannot get them back together again. I had an attack yesterday, so for the time being, I am in good shape, except I just spilled “caffeine free diet Pepsi” all over my favorite writing tablet.

That about covers all I have to say on these topics, so I will start to look around for the next thing on which I want to expound. Until later, this is 2feeleys signing off.

Other Things

2007-04-11T11:52:00.000-04:00

I thought that perhaps these photographs would give you a good laugh. I don't have any past the 53 one although nothing much has changed in the last ten years.

I Am Thankful For

2007-04-06T10:42:00.000-04:00

I am not sure why but for some reason all the things that I am thankful for have been on my mind today. These are but a few of the things that I am thankful for.

I am thankful that God loves me.

I am thankful that God created the earth and filled it with all His creatures to share with me.

I am thankful for my life.

I am thankful for my husband, Anthony.

I am thankful when I wake up in the morning that I have been blessed with another day on God’s earth.

I am thankful that I have been blessed with food and shelter.

I am thankful for my blog friends, Rex H, Shadow, Liza, Noor Azman Othman GBE, Scout, Talj, Ruth, Gene Bach, Inmatez Wife, Ashley, Scott, Surjit, billy rob. They are each unique and different and inspire me to be the best that I can.

I am thankful for the seasons.

I am thankful for my pet cat, Morris.

I am thankful that I have my health.

The Oak Tree - My Story

2007-04-06T07:20:00.000-04:00

Written by Sylvia

There is an old oak tree down in the pasture that stands tall and proud. That oak tree has been there for over 200 years according to the stories passed down from generation to generation. His canopy has grown to be quite wide and full of beautiful leaves each year. In the fall of the year, he bares the fruit of the tree, his acorns and then sheds his leaves. He stands there feeling so bare and naked, nothing left but his acorns. He knows they will stay with him until summer. It takes all his energy and strength to nurture them so they will grow and mature into an oak tree just like him. He waits anxiously as they grow because he knows that the chances of his acorns making it to become an oak tree just like him are very slim. He knows the squirrels will take them away to hide for food in the winter. He knows the wind will sweep some of them away to places where there is no soil to take root. He knows that only a few will survive the cruel world of nature.

That old oak tree has so many memories and stories to tell. If he would only talk to me, think of the things he would say. He has seen so many people pass through his long life, sitting under his branches covered with leaves, having picnics, just being lazy and relaxing, sharing their secrets. The people have come and gone, yet he is still standing tall and proud. The trunk of that old oak tree has more scars than you can imagine, each filled with a different memory. Memories left behind by those people who have passed his way during the years.

He remembers fondly a young couple, lovers from years ago, long since dead he thinks. He watched as they sat on a blanket under his canopy and remembers how they talked, held hands and made love under his tree. He remembers that as the lovers were leaving, they stopped for a moment and carved a great big heart into that old tree. Each time he sees that heart, he remembers how in love they seemed and how gentle they were when they carved their heart into his trunk. That old oak tree wears his scars proudly for the world to see because each one reminds him of how all those people loved his tree.

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved

Complaint Free World

2007-04-04T10:04:00.000-04:00

As I was sitting at the computer and "complaining" about the weather (it's April 4th and we have SNOW today and it's 33 degrees), I remembered the Complaint Free World from Oprah's show. I looked up the website and decided to share it with everyone. I ordered my purple bracelet and will start before I receive it to stop complaining so much. The first url is an order form (the bracelets are free) and the second is for the Church that is responsible for the "Complaint Free World" if you want to order or check out the Church.

http://acomplaintfreeworld.fobby.net/Complaint_Free_Bracelet_Order_Form.php

http://ccunitykc.org/

I Am Getting Old - Part Eight

2007-04-04T07:45:00.000-04:00

I am getting old because I seem to have more likes and dislikes than I did when I was younger. Does that really mean I am getting old or that I am willing to admit them at this time in my life?

One of my dislikes occurred this morning. I run the hot water in the sink while I was getting ready to take a shower. When I turn the water on in the shower and step in, I adjust the temperature so it will be nice and hot. Then I get the shock of my life when I pull the shower on. A blast of cold water hits me. Each time this happens, I think I am prepared but I am not. I know it is because there is cold water in the pipe and it has to come out before the hot water reaches me. It still does not make it any easier to take.

I like to get cards in the mail for whatever the occasion may be. What I do not like is if the card looks and reads like the person sending it exerted no effort to make the selection. I know all of us have received those kinds of cards. When I need to send a card, I read the verses carefully to see if it fits the person on the receiving end. Yes, it takes me some time to get the right card but I feel it is worth it.

I DO NOT LIKE automated telephone answering systems. When I call a place of business, I want to talk to a real person. In the past, you could trick them and press zero. Now the businesses have gotten smarter and now zero does not work anymore. Some of these systems give you the option to press numbers on the keypad of the telephone to navigate them. Other have gone to a system where you have to speak your responses and have some dorky voice repeats them back and says “please press 1 if that is correct, press 2 if that is incorrect.” I think I know why they use these systems. They do not have to pay a person “just to answer” the telephone. In a previous life, I was a receptionist and I can tell you it is not an easy job. There is more to the job than “just to answer” the telephone. How sad it is to think businesses are so greedy that they have lost that personal touch when it comes to their customers.

I neglected the things that I like so here are just a few of them. I like to see people smile. I like banana splits, ice cream cones, and cotton candy. I like people who say thank you, holiday seasons, and snow (as long as I do not have to be around it very long). I like the beach, the sun, and nice weather. I like people who are kind and considerate, people who say excuse me, and people who are happy. I like football games, chicken and dumplings (like my mother use to make) and peach pie. I like to take naps, to read a good mystery, and write my poetry. You see there are many things I like.

I will close this for now and see what comes to my mind to write about next. It is usually easy to come up with a topic because of things that happen around me. To answer your question, no my life is not that exciting that it is filled with the things I write about. In some cases, I just use my memories of days ago and my imagination.

Finally Back Online

2007-04-03T14:16:00.000-04:00

To the many friends I have made through blogging, I am back online as of today. I got my new computer and internet service today. I want to thank all of you for your prayers, “hugs” and concerns. My husband had a blood clot that developed in December 2006 and went untreated until the middle of February. As with most men, they do not tend to go to the doctor when they get ailments. He was in the hospital for three days and in bed for over a month. There are still issues with swelling and the level’s of blood thinner medication that we are dealing with now and the possibility of another clot forming.

According to the doctors he is lucky to be alive. Luck had nothing to do with it, God did. God allowed him to live and to make changes in his life so that we could be reunited. He is a changed person and we are reunited and things are working out for us.

Goodbye For A Short Time

2007-02-27T12:33:00.000-05:00

To the friends I have made through this blog, I will not be posting for approximately one to two weeks. Due to an illness in my immediate family, I am moving back to Mishawaka, Indiana on Thursday, March 1, 2007. I will miss the interaction with my online friends and community, but will be back. Please keep me in your prayers

I Am Getting Old - Part Seven

2007-02-26T08:49:00.001-05:00

I know that I am getting old because I am more opinionated than I have ever been. I have been contemplating a question and I have never found the answer. The question is “Who is they?’. I am guilty of saying, they said or as they use to say. If a person asked me to prove my statement by telling them who they is, I could never answer. This is not a burning issue for me but comes to mind every time I hear or use the words, they said.

Politically incorrect is another term that makes me cringe when I hear it used. I use it in some of my writing, not because I like the term but it got the point across that I was making in jest. I searched the Web and this link gives a good definition and examples of political correctness. Wikipedia - Political Correctness

I must admit that I use politically incorrect words. Many times, I speak before I think about the words that I am going to say. It is not by intention, but a lack of thought on my part. The most recent example I can think of is using waitress rather than server. (As I typed the last sentence, the word waitress was highlighted. When I checked to see what was wrong with the entry, the options I had to use in its place were server or waiter. Waiter should not have been an option since it typically denotes a male waitperson.)

I understand the reasoning behind the term. I believe it is used to extremes in this day and time. I think the reason I personally have a difficult time with this is that I was not raised using politically correct words. My parents were not dumb nor do I remember any prejudices they might have had. Their parents raised them as mine did me and those “politically correct” words were not part of our vocabulary.

I did learn something today. I did not know this term was born in the 1900’s. Pardon my ignorance; I thought it was a term coined in the last 10 years or so. I also learned there are more opinionated people than I thought, not just me. Just goes to show you, I may not be getting that old.

Now I will climb down from my soapbox and move on to other things. See you in Part Eight.

Meme - Why I blog?

2007-02-25T10:00:00.000-05:00

Inmatez Wife posed this question on her blog Memoirs of An Inmates Wife and provoked thought as to why I blog. This was my response to her:

I use my blog much for the same reason you do. I can express my feelings and work through issues in my life. An added benefit is that I get to meet new friends and learn about their life and in some small way feel that I have become a part of it. This is something I wrote in a piece and it sums up my blogging. "I wish there was someone here to talk to, I can’t afford a physiatrist."

Now I tag these people and ask them why do you blog?

Talj - Talj's Photo A Day 2007
Ruth - There Are A Million Stories In The Naked City
Gene - Turning The Pages of Life
Ashley - From London, With Love
Surjit - gurushadbad Knowledge Seeker

Girlfriend and Sister's Week

2007-02-24T07:47:00.000-05:00

This is an email message I received Friday, February 23, celebrating Girlfriend and Sister's week.

Girlfriend and Sister's Week

I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.

To the cool women that have touched my life.

May God Smile on you today

Here's to you! National Girlfriends Day

What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping, lunching, and traveling girls?

Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake! TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!

If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend. Be Happy!

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND WHO SENT IT TO YOU!

It is good to be a woman:!

My Mother

2007-02-23T08:46:00.000-05:00

This is for my mother, Ethelyne Inez (Becky) Reynolds, April 3, 1921 – May 3, 2002.

I never realized how strong my mother was until she passed away and I took a good look at our lives. She worked hard and was the glue that held our family together for many years. My father stopped drinking when I was thirteen and by then the damage to our family was evident. She never stopped loving him and stood by him through all the trials and tribulations of their life. She continued to work and she supported him in all that he chose to do. Even if it meant moving again and we did several more times. Divorce is a word that I never heard mentioned in our home. She stayed beside him until he passed away.

As she grew older, I had expectations of her that she could no longer fulfill. I expected her to do the things she did when I was growing up. I expected her to cook meals, clean the house, bake pies and cakes and all the other things she did. I did not see her as growing older, I saw my mother as she use to be. I began to realize how my mother felt as I aged and started to slow down myself. My expectations were too high for her to meet. I thought about these things for many months and knew I had to tell her what I had come to realize and ask her to forgive me for setting those expectations for her. To tell her that I understood why she could not do the things I expected of her. Although she had her share of illnesses, her health was okay in 2001 and she moved to Tennessee to live with my sister. I delayed telling her the things I needed to say. Thursday, May 2, 2002 came around and for some reason I knew I had to talk to her and tell her how I felt. I delayed once again and intended to call her on Friday morning.

A good friend of ours dropped by for a visit that morning. We sat at the kitchen table, talking and the telephone rang. I answered and my sister said I do not know how to tell you, but mother died in her sleep last night.

What I am trying to say by writing this is do not put off talking to a loved one when you know you must. Make it a priority to talk, do not delay for any reason, no matter how important you think it may be. Nothing is as important as telling someone you love how you feel and to say you are sorry or whatever it may be you have to say. Since then I have talked to her, even though she is no longer here. My only regret is that I did not say those things to her before she died. I know that she heard me and I have found peace in that.

I Am Getting Old - Part Six

2007-02-22T08:31:00.001-05:00

I know that I am getting old because optical mice are not my cup of tea. When I started using “personal computers”, the Compaq luggable was the only option available to me. It weighed too much to take anywhere and definitely did not fit the category of portable. You did not have to use a mouse, thank you very much. It was more like a big typewriter with a tiny screen to see your work. Anyway, as we made progress, I graduated to the top of the line. IBM had the market cornered then and our company used PS2 systems. That was a big step up for me.

Now back to the “mice”. I do not know whether to say mice or mouse but you know what I mean. The roller ball mouse worked just fine for me. They took some getting use to. Most people would move them around to fast or to far on their desk and the pointer would go crazy. I actually saw one of the people we were training, pick the mouse up, point it at the monitor and move it around with their hand to use it. I had to leave the room because I was on the verge of uncontrollable laughter.

In the last few years, they (whose is they) added a scroll button to the roller ball mouse. It works well and I have gotten use to using it now. It eliminates using the scroll bar on the screen. Then out came optical mice, no roller ball. Some of these are so small, they get lost in my gigantic hand. That is the kind of mouse I have today and it drives me crazy most of the time. I think the problem is EUD. For those of you who are young EUD is End User Defect, which is the cause of most computer problems people have, me included.

Anyway, I have not mastered the optical mouse. Most of them have a red light that stays on all the time and gets brighter as you touch it. What is up with that? For some reason beyond my comprehension, when I move the mouse, the pointer (cursor) goes crazy. It jumps to places I did not intend for it to go. This is a major problem since I manage to open windows or things I have no idea what they are or where they came from. I try to move the mouse pointer to where I want to click and sometimes I get lucky and it goes there. If anyone knows how to use these things, please let me know what the secret is.

I have never used a wireless mouse and frankly, I do not think I want to. Especially if it is anything like this “wonderful” optical mouse, I have now. Oh well this is progress and I wait with anticipation to see what the next invention will be.

I Am Getting Old - Part Five

2007-02-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

I know that I am getting old because I am. Seriously, this post does not have anything to do with getting older. It is just something I thought I would write about as I searched through the multitude of writing pens and pads on my desk. You see, I am addicted to them and all kinds of office supplies. This addiction began when I was much younger and to this day, I have been unable to resist the temptation to buy more. I could open a warehouse and sell office supplies; I have so many around me. From where I sit, I can see pens, pencils, Liquid Paper (a must have), tablets for writing (narrow rule of course), index cards (two different kinds), a pencil sharpener (just in case), 3M Post It Notes Cube and Flags, rulers, scissors, journals, paper clips, highlighters, Sharpies. Making this list made me realize that the only thing I do not have is a stapler. Who knows I may buy one today.

When I go shopping, regardless of the type of store I am in, the first place I head to is the office supply aisle. I am like a kid in a candy store. My eyes glaze over and I can hardly breathe. There are new pens on display today. I am choosy about the pens I buy. They have to have an extra fine point and black ink. I have no idea why I do not like blue ink, I just don’t. The barrel cannot be too small for me to hold in my hand nor too big. It has to be just right. In the past when I have found the perfect pen, I would only buy one. When it ran out of ink and I went back to buy another one, it was no longer in stock. I solved that issue by purchasing a pack of three or four pens. I have even gone so far as to keep the packaging so I could contact the manufacturer to get more of them. However, even I am fickle because there is always a newer pen on the market for me to buy. If I stop and think about it, I only need one pen to write with at a time.

Writing pads, tablets or whatever you call them, are another fetish of mine. They too have to be just perfect. They must be college ruled (narrow lines) and the pages have to be perforated so they do not leave a jagged edge when removed. I found one that actually has two little notepads at the top of the binding. One is for things to do and the other for calls to make. For joy, this one is my favorite.

After writing this post, I concluded that it is time for me to seek help for this addiction. I will be looking for a rehabilitation center as soon as I complete this. My only hope is that they can cure me, and think of all the money I can save.

Please know that I am not making fun of addictions, only of myself. Addictions are serious problems for people and difficult to overcome. I know because I am addicted to cigarettes.

I Am Getting Old - Part Four

2007-02-20T09:11:00.000-05:00

I know that I am getting old but… For some reason and I do not have a good one other than I am insane, I looked at other “free blog sites” today. First, as my son says, there is nothing in life that is free. Some of the sites I saw have “free” accounts but are limited in what you can do with them. They conveniently give you the option to upgrade, for a price of course.

I took a chance on a couple of them, just for kicks, and setup accounts. BIG MISTAKE! I felt like I had stepped back in time to the Stone Age after using Blogger. My eyes are not as good as they once were and the color schemes on these sites were such that I had to put my face within inches of my monitor to read the menus. Even then, it was a lucky choice when I clicked on one of the words. I have not looked up the definition for the word SLOW but I am sure I know what it means and I have to say these sites are the reason that word was coined.

If I was lucky enough to get a post published, I could not find it or the blog to view. I know that I am somewhat older, but I am not stupid, I can read and I can follow instructions. After jumping through a million hoops, I finally got to where I wanted to go. When I viewed the post, my paragraphs were no longer there. There was just one great big paragraph. It took three edits to get it back to the original way I wrote it. I use Word to write my post and then copy and paste them. Maybe they hate Microsoft and Bill Gates. I cannot think of any other reason for the formatting not to hold. (I deleted those accounts because I will never do that again, I promise. Blogger please forgive me.)

I did find one site that was cool. It is a log site rather than a blog site. It was easy to use and I could actually find “my posts and poems” when they were published. My formatting held as well which was a big plus. Out of all the sites I looked at today, this was the best (after Blogger). I liked them so much I will give them a plug here. The url is http://www.reallifelog.com . I am going to keep this account for a while, since it is different from Blogger. I have adopted a wait and see attitude about the site and if it starts to get crazy, it too will be deleted.

It is getting late and way past my bedtime, so I will end this rambling dissertation on Blogs and see what else I can find to write about tomorrow. There is always something out there.

I Am Getting Old - Part Three

2007-02-19T08:39:00.000-05:00

I know that I am getting old because the children of today do not play the kind of games we played when we were children. I guess it is politically correct to call them children because that is what they are no matter how grown up they try to act. They have video games, their own television sets, DVD players, Xbox 360 and the list goes on.

I remember when we would take spools when the thread was all gone and use twine to string them together. We would play with them for hours and use our imagination to dream up games. We used empty boxes as houses to play in. Much like the shelter you see homeless people adopt today to stay warm and dry.

After dusk, we would catch lightening bugs. When the “light” came on, we pinched it off and used it for jewelry, believe or not. The smell was awful but we thought we were just beautiful with all those “lights” stuck on our hands, arms and even our forehead.

We played games like Hopscotch, Leap Frog, Mumbley Peg, Simon Says, Red Rover Come Over, Mother May I. We built stilts to walk on. Now that takes talent to balance yourself on them and not break your neck. We played dodge ball. Now I see where some schools are eliminating dodge ball from the playground because it is too violent. Give me a break. We survived and the children of today can as well. (This link will take you to the page where you can find information on some of the games listed here.)

http://www.inquiry.net/outdoor/games/beard/mumbly_peg.htm

We took old clothes and shoes to play dress-up. We like the children today, wanted to be older than we were at the time. Now that we are older, we want to look and feel younger than we are. We are never satisfied no matter how old we are.

I think that what the children of today lack is a good imagination. Parents of today are so busy working just to make ends meet, that there is not time left for them to help their children develop imagination. Working to make ends meet is a topic for another day.

I Am Getting Old - Part Two

2007-02-18T08:10:00.002-05:00

I know that I am getting old because cell phones are driving me crazy. I bought one of those pay as you go phones and I have yet to figure out how to use it. One of the biggest problems is my fingers. They don’t work to well anymore and are almost to big to navigate the keypad to change settings, see messages, set ring tones and all the other things you can do. Speaking of ring tones, I finally got the phone set to vibrate rather than ring. When it did ring, by time I figured out that is was the phone, the caller had hung up. I decided if I had it on vibrate, then when I felt it “shaking” or saw it "jumping" around on the desk, I would know a call was incoming.

Can you imagine what it would have been like when you were growing up (if you are my age now which is, well lets just say I am over 50 and leave it at that) if there had been email, the Internet and cell phones. Imagine how many visits to other people’s homes at holidays you would have missed. Think of how many letters, cards, thank you notes you would not have written by hand for that personal touch. Think how nice it would be to go to a restaurant, to the grocery store, the drug store, or any other place you can think of and not hear or see someone talking on a cell phone. Think how nice it would be if people did not drive and talk on their cell phone at the same time. Think of the accidents that we could prevent if we did not “talk and drive”. Think of the people who would not have to dodge cars in the parking lot while people “talk and drive”. I would compare “talk and drive” to “drink and drive” and I do not condone either. Have you ever driven behind a person talking on a cell phone? It appears to me that they drive much the same way as the person drives drunk. Sometimes, and I hate to say this, but their driving is worse than the driver who is drunk.

Are we in such a hurry, that we cannot wait until we reach home to talk to people. What do people talk about that much? Think of the silence there must be in their homes, because they have nothing left to say when they are face to face with another person. Think about the personal interaction with other people that we miss. Seeing their reactions to what we say, seeing the smile on their face at our words. Has the art of conversation been lost forever?

Our lives have become so impersonal in this day and time. It seems to me that this may be the reason people treat each other as if they do not matter. How we as a society have become immune to the way human beings are discarded as if they were garbage. How we look the other way to avoid the violence and ugliness in the world. We have lost the personal connection with others. Then we have the audacity to ask, what is wrong with this world today?

Enough of this serious talk, it is time to move on to the next topic. My childhood, even though it was many years ago, has been on my mind lately. So I think I will write about the games we played when I was a child.

I Am Getting Old - Part One

2007-02-16T11:22:00.001-05:00

I know that I am getting old because things that never affected me have begun to. I never considered myself a prude nor a snob but I must be now. I cringe at the use of foul words on websites when I read them. I do not understand how people can use such foul language on the Internet and in everyday life. That is not true. I think it is because of the anonymity of the Internet brings to our life. People use that anonymity to hide their identity so no one knows who they are. Because of that, they take permission to write and say things they may not ordinarily use in their “normal” life. Then I may be wrong. Perhaps they are like that in reality. Alternatively, maybe they feel anonymous as a person and the foul language is a way to attract the attention they desire. Whatever the case may be, I find it offensive.

Another thing that makes me feel old is Internet slang. In a series of emails I exchanged with a friend, the letters lol kept appearing throughout them. I could not imagine what they stood for. Lots of luck and lots of love were a few of the phrases that came to mind. I finally asked what they meant and to my surprise, my friend said they meant, laugh out loud. Not only did I have a problem understanding, the spelling and grammar checker in Word has a problem with both lol and laugh out loud, the verb usage is incorrect. In addition, it wants to capitalize the first L in lol. Maybe Microsoft should update their spelling and grammar checker to include Internet slang with the definitions so people like me understand them. I have since “researched” slang and still do not understand it. lol A couple of other things that irk me about the spell checker is “Passive Voice” and use of contractions. I must rewrite sentences a million times before they go away. What’s wrong with using a “Passive Voice” or a contraction in a sentence?

Here is what this sentence, For crying out loud can’t people speak real words anyways. laugh out loud, would look like in internet slang. 4col cnt peeps spk r wo12ds anywaz. lol Looks to me like people spend more time trying to come up with these acronyms than it takes to write the real word they mean and some are actually longer than the word or words they replace. W.E.

DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU TYPE AN EMAIL MESSAGE, A POST OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF DOCUMENT IN ALL CAPS, YOU ARE CONSIDERED TO BE SHOUTING AT THE PERSON IT IS ADDRESSED TO?

Oh well there is one thing for sure, I will continue to get older and the world will continue to change. The other thing is that I am not sure I am ready for either. lol

The Oak Tree

2007-02-16T08:04:00.000-05:00

I went to the Hallmark Gold Crown Store yesterday to mail a letter to my sister. Strange thing about Phoenix is that they do not have many US Post Office Mail Boxes sitting on street corners. There is a substation in the Hallmark store and that is where I go to mail letters and cards. Before I mailed the letter to my sister, I looked for a card to send to say I was sorry and forgive me. During the search, I saw a Hallmark Card, "The Oak Tree".

The reason the card drew my attention is that a friend and I are writing a poem about an oak tree. He made me a challenge to me. I would write a story about an oak tree and send it to him. He would write the first verse, I would write the second verse, he the third, etc., until we complete the poem. Finding this card is the second “coincidence” related to an oak tree.

The first occurred shortly after we started the poem. I went to my bank’s website and there was a picture of an oak tree with a heart carved into its trunk (that was part of our story). I sent him the picture of the tree. Finding the card was especially shocking since it had a poem on it and parts of that poem were like lines from ours. I have not decided if these two events are just coincidences or is God telling me something and I do not hear him.

On the front of the card, there is a picture of an oak tree on the bank of a river lined with trees and white clouds against the blue sky. This is the poem on the card.

"The Oak Tree" A Message of Encouragement.

A mighty wind blew night and day.
It stole the oak tree's leaves away,
Then snapped its bark
until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground
while other trees feel all around....
The weary wind gave up and spoke,
"How can you still be standing, Oak?"
The oak tree said, "I know that you
can break each branch of mine in two,
carry every leaf away,
shake my limbs, and make me sway.
But I have roots stretched in the earth,
growing stronger since my birth.
You'll never touch them, for you see,
they are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn't sure
of just how much I could endure.
But now I've found, with thanks to you,
I"m stronger that I ever knew.

The inside verse reads:
Especially now,
try to remember
that you're stronger
than any problem
you encounter
or any disappointment
life will bring.

Thinking of you,
believing in you,
caring for you.

Families

2007-02-15T10:39:00.000-05:00

I received an email from a good friend and it brings to mind what families mean. His niece had a virus of some type and it damaged her heart. She underwent surgery to remove the damaged tissue and the results are that she has lost 60% of her heart function. She has two small children ages 11 and 8. Her parents, (his sister was her mother) are deceased and he is the only relative she has left. He is going to change jobs and move to her home to take care of her and the children.

My first thought is how unselfish this man is. Then I asked myself, would I do the same? The answer is yes, I would. How would you answer?

It also brings to mind that many of us, me included, have issues with our family members that have not been resolved through the years. I think it is easier to allow those issues to remain unresolved than to find the courage to confront them. I believe that fear of making the first approach or fear of rejection stops us. Sometimes just plain old stubbornness stops us. Eliminate the old thing of they started this; let them be the first to make amends from the equation. Case in point is my mother-in-law who passed away carrying a grudge against her sister. She never told me or anyone else I know of what happened between them. At the time of her death, they had not spoken for over 25 years. Imagine all they missed during those years. Unfortunately, death is final and once a person passes away, there is no way for us to get back the years we missed or to tell them the things we have left unspoken.

Families can be disapproving of our lives and our choices, just as we are of theirs. They do not always support us in our decisions or lifestyles. We need to establish boundaries so these things are off limits in our interactions. We have to put aside the things that cause friction and remember they are our family and no matter what at some point in our lives we need our families.

My sister disowned me after our mother passed away. I do not know why or for what reason. I am guilty of not making that first step to resolve this situation but I can tell you that I am going to make that a priority in my life. Blame should not be a factor because it really does not matter who did what to whom. What matters is that we should value our families enough to try. If the issues are not resolved, you will know in your heart you tried to mend the divide and be at peace with yourself if it is beyond repair. It will make me sad if I cannot mend our divide because other than my son, my sister is the only relative I have remaining.

God's Work

2007-02-10T10:47:00.000-05:00

God works in mysterious ways. I believe that things happen for a reason in our lives. We just need to recognize that they are God’s work. Not long ago, I was on my way to have some copies made and I passed by a small dress shop, Oh Donna. Something in the back of my mind said you need to stop on your way back and I did just that. When I entered, I looked around for a few minutes and one of the sales clerks approached me. We started to talk and I told her that I was new to the area and had seen the shop quite by accident. She asked me where I was from and why I came to Phoenix. I explained to her that I came from Indiana because of martial problems and chose Phoenix because I had to get far away from my husband and that my son lives here.

To my amazement, she said the same thing had happened to her. We talked some more about the details of our lives and I was on the verge of tears. She said you need a hug, hugged me, and told me you will be okay. She asked if I had found a church and I told her no, that I did not have a car yet and it is hard to get around. She told me about a few churches that are within walking distance and said there was always someone who would be willing to pick me up and take me home. It seems as if the owner of the shop teaches classes at some of these churches for women like us, who have had to leave a marriage because of abuse. She teaches them how to deal with the grief associated with the loss of a part of your soul and not the marriage itself. I have been back several times to the shop and unfortunately the sales clerk I talked to has not been there. I wanted to tell her how much our talk helped me.

I believe this was an event that God intended to happen. You see the night before, I had talked with a friend about not meeting people, not being able to get my feet on solid ground and how alone I felt. I told my friend that I needed to someone to give me a hug and tell me everything would be okay. I was really down in the dumps that day when I went into that dress shop. I needed that hug even if it was from a stranger. That made it all the more important to me, because she understood.

I pray every night and ask God to show me the path that I need to take to get my life in order again and to guide me in the right direction. This event is only one of many that have been God’s work.

At this Moment

2007-01-30T17:42:00.000-05:00

It has not been my intention to be so sad and morose in my writings on this blog. At this moment in my life there are things that I have to work through and address the grief. I have been using the blog as a way to do that. When I write, my feelings and thoughts are exposed and I am forced to deal with them. Not try to pretend they don’t exist or will simply go away.

This is a part of the healing process that I am going through. At times we all have things in our lives that have to be dealt with. How we deal with them is an individual choice. I have chosen writing for my blog and have also started to write poetry about the events in my life. It has taken every bit of courage I can muster to expose myself to the world but it is necessary. Perhaps there is someone else going through the same sort of thing in their life and if they read this, then they will know they are not alone.

I have included an email sent to a friend of mine. It was written after a day of talking about this moment in my life. The last sentence sums up how I feel about people that are a part of my life now. Please just listen to me, you don’t have to respond in anyway, just listen to me.

The email sent to a friend:

Last night after I went to bed, I felt so alone. After getting my feelings out in the open how my marriage was, no intimacy, etc. I realized how much I missed having someone next to me. Someone just hold me, give me a hug and tell me that things will be okay.

I realized how tired I am of starting my life over, dusting myself off and moving on. Putting on a happy face so no one can see the pain and doubt. Maybe it's because I am older now, but this time I have been knocked so far down, I am having a hard time getting up. Just when I think I have made progress, I let those negative feelings creep in. I am tired of taking care of myself, always have to be independent. I want someone to take care of me for a change. I am tired of making decisions alone. I am tired, well I am just tired.

People around me now, with the exception of you, my new friend, don't understand. They think I should be able to forget everything and put it away as if nothing happened and they don't take it seriously. They don't understand that grief is a part of my life for the moment and I have to work through it. Not grief over him, but grief because a part of me has died and grief because I let it happen.

I have tried to tell them the things that I have shared with you; they interrupt me and change the subject. They don't want to hear what I have to say. It embarrasses them and they don't have a clue how to respond. They don't realize, I don't need a response from them, only for them to listen so they will know me and my world at the moment.

A Couple of Things

2007-01-30T10:29:00.000-05:00

First of all, I read with sadness this morning that Barbaro had to be euthanized. I have followed his story with interest since the time of the injury he sustained. I kept cheering for him and each time there was a setback, I wondered if he would make it through. To have survived as long as he did, shows he is a true champion.

The second thing is my age is showing. I have been browsing through blogs and well I don't know what to say. There are many in different languages, some are well written, some have content that is offensive at least to me, some cause my browser to crash, others cause unwanted sites to appear, some don't have a Navbar and the list goes on. My wish is that instead of next blog, there was a way to get a list of blogs by either a category (creator would choose at time of blog creation), by their titles or some other way to select the ones I want to read. Maybe there already is a way to do this and I just haven't found it. If anyone reads this and knows of a way this can be done, a comment with how to do this would be appreciated.

I know that when I do find a blog I like, I can add a link to my blog or add it to my Favorites List. The point is that it takes forever to find those blogs. I suppose this would be a monumental task to create a database to accomplish this.

Three Little Words "I am sorry"

2007-01-26T12:08:00.000-05:00

Expressing three little words, “I am sorry” is never comfortable. Once it becomes necessary to say these words, provide an explanation so the recipient understands why they are being offered. Although, it is difficult to apologize, an apology will clear the air and all can move forward. These three words, “I am sorry” must never be taken lightly and not conveyed unless they come from the heart and are sincere. Never use them frivolously since that will not benefit anyone, especially the recipient. The motivation for an apology should be a desire to correct a wrong. All apologies will not be accepted. Do not allow nonacceptance to become an obstacle or deterrent from expressing them again if the need arises.

Recognizing what occurred that requires an apology, is never easy. If we take heed, our “gut” feelings will permit us to recognize when an apology is necessary. “Gut” feelings are those feelings that keep nagging at us that is not right, repair the damage! As we go through the process of recognition and apology, the need to verbalize these three words, “I am sorry” will diminish. Throughout this process, awareness will develop and you will begin to consider your words before you speak or take action that could injure someone’s heart and soul. In the end, a maturity will evolve resulting in making you a better person for having said, “I am sorry”.

These three little words, “I am sorry” in truth are the largest three words you can ever express to anyone.

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved

Yesterdays

2007-01-24T10:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterdays by Billy rob (Bill Hopkins)

I searched in all our secret places
and I know they are not there.
When you left, you either took them
or hid them all away somewhere.

I saw them quite clearly yesterday,
they were right before my eyes.
They still held the hopes and dreams
that today I know were lies.

I admit you have me quite confused
as to why you made them part,
but with you gone it doesn't matter
if I never see them start.

If you took them with you, keep them,
I cannot use them, anyway.
Tomorrows can never really come
when one lives in yesterdays.

This poem and others by Billy rob can be found at http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/

CopyrightÂ©2006Billy Rob Hopkins Used with permission

Today Is One of Those Days

2007-01-23T12:21:00.000-05:00

Depression loses its power when fresh vision pierces the darkness. - By Peter SInclair

I am having “one of those days” today. Self-doubt and negative talk are creeping into my brain. I feel sad, alone, worthless, indecisive, depressed, you name it, and I feel it. I can’t or don’t want to do anything at all. I just want to sit in a corner and suck my thumb. I wish there was someone here to talk to, (can’t afford a physiatrist). My feeble attempt at humor and not a very good one at that.

I am questioning where I should go with my life. I don’t know which path I should take. I have made so many wrong turns and choices that I cannot distinguish the right from the wrong today By posting this I am not asking for anything, especially pity I don’t know that pity is the right work to use. I am only expressing myself in the hope that it will rid me of these thoughts and feelings. I thought I had conquered these feelings but I guess there are lingering remnants. As they (WHO IS THEY?) say, I fought the battle but have not won the war. I will keep fighting the battles until there are fewer of them and maybe then the war will be won for me.

Then again, maybe we all have days like this. I sure hope so. As with all things, this too will pass.

After writing these words and reading over them, I have doubt as to whether or not to post this but will anyway. Maybe someone else is having “one of those days” and will know they are not alone.

Poem:

WHICH ONE WILL SHE BE TODAY? by Rubberduckii

Solid

stable, together

unmoveable, stationed, still

she hides the emotions

solid

liquid

uncontrolled, unpredictable

slipping, falling, showing

she finally breaks down

liquid.

Being Angry

2007-01-23T09:45:00.000-05:00

It is okay to get angry occasionally, that is normal. What is not normal is to be angry all the time. Life is too short to be mad and angry at everyone and everything. My entire life was spent being angry and now that I let go of the anger, life is more pleasant

The amazing part is that I don’t really know what caused me to be angry or why. I blamed my mother, my upbringing and other people but after much soul searching, I only had myself to blame. I believe that somewhere early in my life I made a decision to be angry.

I read self help books, had counseling but nothing ever seemed to make sense to me and I kept on being the way I was since “I did not have a problem”. Everyone one else had the problem and if they didn’t like the way I was, so be it.

After being married for the last 10 years to a person who was so much like me, that is was like looking in the mirror and seeing myself for the first time. I did not like what I saw and decided I must change and made that change. I am only sorry that it took so long and I am truly sorry for the people around me that were subjected to my behavior. I contacted some of those people and apologized to them. Some of them were receptive and some were not. The biggest regret I have is that my mother passed away before I came to this realization and I never got to apologize to her.

It was difficult for me to accept the mistakes I made but I finally learned from them and moved on. The result for me being a productive and pleasant life.

Other Things

2007-01-21T12:21:00.000-05:00

I am alone for the weekend, thank you Lord. I am currently staying with my son and his partner of 17 years. They have gone to Chicago and will be back late tonight, so I have about 12 more hours of this day to enjoy. I have already posted to my blog, had a shower, put on a load of laundry, taken the dog out, had breakfast and in two hours I am going to watch football. During all this there have been numerous thoughts going through my mind.

First and foremost, I have to get a place of my own. That was my intention when I arrived in late September but my son and his partner said we would all go together and buy a house so each of us would have more space and privacy. So far, they are still looking for a house to buy and I have come to the conclusion that no matter where or what we move into, it will not work. I need to be able to have my own things and do things as I want to. The issues we have will not disappear and will only move with us. Don’t get me wrong, not all has been bad. My son has made me realize that I needed to take more pride in myself by asking a simple question. “What happened to you? I remember your wearing makeup and dressing better.” My next step in this process is to have the courage to tell them when they return. I have already looked online at apartments in the area and am considering moving back to where I was raised. Not really sure which option I will choose. Once again, I failed to listen to my “inner voice” and here I thought I had progressed. The good thing is that it is never to late to listen.

The other thought that is prominent in my mind is I HAVE TO QUIT SMOKING!!!!!! I have smoked since I was 27 years old and I only started then because all the people I worked with smoked and stupid me thought it was cool and I wanted to fit in with the group. Little did I know that smoking would become an addiction. I have numerous medical conditions which are aggravated by smoking and more than likely would not exist if I had not started smoking. I have “stopped” several times, the latest being May of 2006 through the end of September 2006. Then I made a life change (left an abusive marriage and moved across the country) and during the stress of this change I started smoking again. I feel ashamed and guilty that I started smoking again and to be truthful it hasn’t helped with the stress. I don’t really enjoy smoking, my health is suffering, everything smells like smoke but yet I don’t want to quit. What is wrong with me? Do I have a secret death wish or am I just stupid? I know it is an addiction and I know that I am strong enough to overcome it with help and support, but haven’t taken the step to quit again.

I have tried all the stop smoking aids there are on the market and only one has ever worked and that is a lozenge, in fact I have some sitting right by the computer and a cigarette on the other side. Sick isn’t it? People who have never smoked cannot understand why we who do smoke can’t just stop. Smoking is a drug addiction, like heroin, cocaine, etc. and it often takes years for addicts to overcome their addictions. Some never do. Will power is not enough for the majority of us. I have researched stop smoking aids again and there is a new medication that blocks the nicotine from the brain. It has to be taken for at least 12 weeks. The medication is expensive but if you add up all the money spent on cigarettes in that 12 week period, you would have more than enough to pay for the prescription.

The only thing I know for sure is that I HAVE TO QUIT SMOKING!!!!!! someway, somehow.

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved

Beyond My Comprehension

2007-01-20T08:09:00.000-05:00

I read the news online everyday at the news channels and newspapers and I cannot believe the things that people do to each other, children and to animals. I am appalled at the behavior these people feel entitled to force upon others. What gives them the right to kill, rape, abuse, kidnap, and destroy the lives of the victims and their families?

There must be some inherent evil in those who commit these acts. A majority are repeat offenders. Perhaps if the punishment they received for their first crime had been harsh enough, there would not be a second one. But then again if they are truly evil, then nothing will deter them other than death.

What do we as a society have to do to stop these acts? Do we build more prisons for the killers, rapists, abusers, kidnappers? Do we take a stand and demand stiffer sentences for them? Or do we sit back and let things be as they are? Do we adopt the punishments of other countries that don’t seem to “coddle” the criminals? Do we let our fellowman; children and animals continue to be the victims? Do we insist that the US Congress and State Governments enact laws with some “teeth” in them to make it more difficult for hardcore criminals to get out of prison? There are no easy answers. But something needs to be done to stop this madness.

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved

Starting Over

2007-01-16T10:42:00.001-05:00

I recently made a major change in my life and I am starting over. I left my marriage of 10 years. For the first several weeks, I felt quilt, was depressed, not sure I made the right decision, felt like a failure, wasn’t sure if I should stay where I am or go back, felt hopeless, looked at what I didn’t have rather than what I do have. In other words, I was a mess. After discussing the situation with two of my very best friends and I do mean best friends, and a reply to an email I sent to a stranger, I am in a much better place and moving forward.

One day, shortly after I moved here, I was watching a local noon talk show and they had a guest on who seemed to be talking directly to me. She is a therapist and I sent her an email with the subject Help! In the email I told her a few of the details about my life change and how I was feeling. Being the cynical person that I am at times, I didn’t think that I would get a reply but I did and it was just what I needed to “jumpstart” my recovery.

This is what she replied: “Thank you so much for writing! The fact that you survived all those years in an abusive situation says something about your resiliency! You are no longer helpless! Now that you're out, it's going to take time for you to find yourself again.

You probably don't have much confidence (abuse generally takes that away) and what you didn't expect, was to feel so lonely and so empty.

Often, that loneliness and emptiness sends people back to miserable situations. Don't be one of those people!

If you have a few clothes and food and shelter - consider it a start.

Good luck and keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

Sometime in the future, I intend to contact her again with an update and thank her for several things. The first being a response to my email and the second being her words to me. I don’t think that she will ever know how much it helped me.

I am slowly rebuilding my life and regaining my self esteem. I plan to take my time and learn from the mistakes that I made in the situation I was in and with luck I won’t repeat them. I believe that we should all pay attention to our “inner voice” we have when it tells us that something is not right or not good for us. Looking back, if I had only paid attention to that “inner voice”, things would have been much different and I would not have put myself in the situation.

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved

Our Inner Voice

2007-01-16T10:07:00.000-05:00

I believe that each of us has an “inner voice”. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that something is not right or not good for you. I wonder why we don’t listen when the inner voice speaks to us. I am guilty of not listening. If I had listened, certain situations in my life would not have unfolded the way that they have. Once I start to listen and acknowledge the truth, change comes about. I have to learn to trust that voice and be true to whom I am and what I need to do in my life and quit worrying about what other people will think of me for my decisions. I cannot control what people think and as long as I feel my decisions are what is right for me based on my inner voice, I have to make them and continue in a forward direction.

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved

A Thousand Marbles Followup

2006-12-26T17:35:00.001-05:00

During my lifetime, I have always worked. I was one of those persons who put my job before all else in my life. My priorities were all messed up. I never took the time to enjoy my Saturday mornings so I missed a lot of enjoyment from the people and things around me. I devoted all my time and effort to the “job”. I was so egoistical to believe that I was so important to the company that I had to be there all the time and show them how good I was, how much they needed me and couldn’t possibly function without me and how devoted I was to the company. One thing I did learn at my last “job” was that no matter how hard you work and how much time you devote to the company, if the time comes and they want to “reduce their workforce” none of that matters. We are all expendable and can be replaced. What really matters is taking the time to enjoy those “Saturday Mornings”.

I can’t go back and change the past, but I can certainly take the time now to enjoy my “Saturday Mornings” and those people in my life. Even though I am “retired” now, I found myself once again not arranging my priorities. I was always doing things for other people and always busy with something or someone. I finally said “No More”. Now I do what I want to do before I devote any time to other things. I don’t disregard my responsibilities, but I do enjoy not feeling obligated to say yes all the time to request for my time.

We are getting ready to move into a house and one of the first things that I plan to do is plant a flower garden full of roses. I love roses but never had the time to tend to a garden of roses. Now I have the time and I plan to take full advantage of that time.

Another aspect of “Saturday Mornings” is making friends and enjoying them. I believe there are two kinds of friends; one is only an acquaintance that we call a friend and the other is a true friend that you can count on no matter what. In other words they accept you, warts and all and in turn you accept them, warts and all. I had lots of acquaintances but only two true friends. I value those two friends more than any material thing in my life. I know that I can talk to them about anything and I won’t hear it repeated by others. If I ask for advice they are willing to provide it, but if I don’t ask they don’t offer it. I in turn offer them the same in return.

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved