This is not being written for people to “stroke me” or tell me that I can write or that I will be okay. It is merely my observations and thoughts today. As you read this, you will see that I am filled with self doubt and fear today. It is one of those days for me. I know who to thank for this and that is not meant kindly. For so long I was told how useless and worthless I was and I have not overcome those feelings. They manage to creep back when I least expect them. With time, I am sure they will change and I will know that I am useful and worthy.
I fancy myself a writer and a poet in my mind. Then I read my favorite blogs and I am intimidated by the post on them. I question why did I ever think I could write? Those posts seem so polished and professional and then I read mine. I seem to ramble on about nothing even though I have all these profound thoughts in my mind. At least I think they are profound.
In fact, I visited at least ten blogs this morning and only left a couple of comments. One about my obsession with coffee and one for someone taking a break from blogging for a while. The intimidation extends to comments I may want to leave because I was touched by the words of the blogger. I do not want to seem patronizing to the bloggers but so many times their post seem to express my feelings that it is scary to see that others feel as I do. What I want to ask is how, do you get past these feelings when you do not have the energy to do so? I want to cry, scream, yell, hide under the covers, withdraw from life. In other words, I feel like a child that has a tantrum. Would it do any good? No!!! Does expressing these feelings on paper do any good? Maybe, maybe not. I only know that I have to get this out of my system or I will cease to exist.