Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Starting Over

I recently made a major change in my life and I am starting over. I left my marriage of 10 years. For the first several weeks, I felt quilt, was depressed, not sure I made the right decision, felt like a failure, wasn’t sure if I should stay where I am or go back, felt hopeless, looked at what I didn’t have rather than what I do have. In other words, I was a mess. After discussing the situation with two of my very best friends and I do mean best friends, and a reply to an email I sent to a stranger, I am in a much better place and moving forward.

One day, shortly after I moved here, I was watching a local noon talk show and they had a guest on who seemed to be talking directly to me. She is a therapist and I sent her an email with the subject Help! In the email I told her a few of the details about my life change and how I was feeling. Being the cynical person that I am at times, I didn’t think that I would get a reply but I did and it was just what I needed to “jumpstart” my recovery.

This is what she replied: “Thank you so much for writing! The fact that you survived all those years in an abusive situation says something about your resiliency! You are no longer helpless! Now that you're out, it's going to take time for you to find yourself again.

You probably don't have much confidence (abuse generally takes that away) and what you didn't expect, was to feel so lonely and so empty.

Often, that loneliness and emptiness sends people back to miserable situations. Don't be one of those people!

If you have a few clothes and food and shelter - consider it a start.

Good luck and keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

Sometime in the future, I intend to contact her again with an update and thank her for several things. The first being a response to my email and the second being her words to me. I don’t think that she will ever know how much it helped me.

I am slowly rebuilding my life and regaining my self esteem. I plan to take my time and learn from the mistakes that I made in the situation I was in and with luck I won’t repeat them. I believe that we should all pay attention to our “inner voice” we have when it tells us that something is not right or not good for us. Looking back, if I had only paid attention to that “inner voice”, things would have been much different and I would not have put myself in the situation.

Copyright © 2007 Sylvia A. Feeley All Rights Reserved

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